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back to article The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters

So here it is, the edge-of-the-seat rollercoaster ride as seen from Vulture West HQ (sadly we lost our invite to Cupertino). We take you now back in time to last night: Today's the AMAZING day, no, MOMENT Apple is expected to launch new MAGICAL iPads – quite possibly the iPad Air 2 and iPad Mini 3 – plus perhaps a proper …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nice to see the Reg is really trying hard...

    ...to get into Apple's good books.

    For a minute, there, I thought that you wouldn't try at all...

    7 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nice to see the Reg is really trying hard...

      They never phone do they, just like the girl that dumps you and you hope she'll call...

      But she never does because she's already got someone else.

      Go put on the old classic by REO Speedwagon, 'Keep On Loving You', it won't change anything but it might help.

      2 0 Reply
      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Nice to see the Reg is really trying hard...

        "They never phone do they, just like the girl that dumps you and you hope she'll call...

        But she never does because she's already got someone else."

        In this analogy, "she" has lots of other partners, so maybe you're implying Apple is like a high class whore who's choosy about her punters?

        0 0 Reply
  2. Oninoshiko

    It's a shame

    your invites keep getting lost in the mail.

    4 0 Reply
  3. Slap

    Loving the commentary

    Loving the commentary - spitting beer with every update.

    0 0 Reply
  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    OOPS I have no pass

    If I wear my woolly cricket pullover, do you think that will suffice for an authentic non hater?

    0 0 Reply
  5. returnmyjedi

    Martha Lane Fox ain't gonna respect da lack of broads on da San Fran stage.

    1 0 Reply
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thinner? So does that mean we can have a banana case for these as well?

    5 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Reinforced case to stop it bending?

      1 0 Reply
  7. IHateWearingATie
    Pint

    Impressive snark...

    ... you've really upped the game from the iPhone 6 launch.

    Carry on chaps :)

    1 0 Reply
  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Retina iMac

    Best computer ever. I am going to get one as soon as I can.

    3 2 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Retina iMac

      That's as maybe but be prepared for some serious abuse from the Fruity Haters that reside here.

      It is a shame really because the price of the kit is very good but that won't stop the 'I can get a better PC for half the price' posts. the iMac is all about the Display.

      3 4 Reply
      1. getHandle
        Reply Icon

        Re: Re: Retina iMac

        Please don't be so subtle - I'm really confused about whether you're being ironic or not...

        2 0 Reply
    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Retina iMac

      But! But! What about upgrading the graphics card? What about some Dell machine I found with the same amount of RAM that costs only $400?!!? What about if I want to reuse the screen for my VCR?!?!?

      0 5 Reply
  9. heyrick Silver badge

    Sad thing is...

    Having found U2's album (need to go to settings and Music -> "Show all music" if nothing shows up), I think I'd rather listen to Nickelback. Hell, give me Katy Perry or that dark-haired girl that sang the world's most ridiculed song or... Wheatus... or classical played by primary school children... or... anything. I'd even listen to The Corrs attempting to cover Eminem tracks (actually, that could be amusing).

    [PS: Dear Bono - in the 80s you rocked. WTF happened?]

    2 0 Reply
    1. Captain DaFt
      Reply Icon

      Re: Sad thing is...

      Anything? Be careful what you ask for!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJTzTQgsS-4

      Personally, I actually nearly fell out of the chair laughing (I got that light-headed), but some people have claimed to be suffering PTSD from listening to this.

      1 1 Reply
      1. heyrick Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Thumb Up

        Re: Sad thing is...

        Wow. That was... actually bloody brilliant. I don't think I could stand to watch it twice, it's charm was in the first viewing, like all of the worst bits of Eurovision crammed into a mere seven minutes.

        Thanks. I was depressed that it isn't the weekend yet. This cheered me up.

        1 0 Reply
      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sad thing is...

        Oh that was truly terrible.

        However, I accept that and raise you with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_ELGnmLJOs

        PS - you WILL not thank me.

        1 0 Reply
  10. JEDIDIAH
    Linux

    Way to stay classy reg

    You wouldn't want us to mistake you for real journalists.

    0 9 Reply
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Another Apple non-event - Oh wait.

    I had a wet dream just reading the headlines of this launch. And couldn't sleep the whole night thereafter.

    Now, where's my wallet?

    0 0 Reply
    1. ThomH
      Reply Icon

      Re: Another Apple non-event - Oh wait.

      Your wallet? You're so old fashioned!

      1 1 Reply
  12. Frankee Llonnygog

    Speaking as a fanboi

    I feel a certain sense of underwhelm-ment. Oh well... Time to don the latex Stephen Fry mask and make like happy.

    1 0 Reply
    1. heyrick Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: Speaking as a fanboi

      "Time to don the latex Stephen Fry mask and make like happy."

      Oh my. That can be so misinterpreted.

      4 0 Reply
  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple's thought process on the desktop retina display

    "- we must come up with something others don't have"

    "- what about a retina display for desktop macs?"

    "- yeah, that'll kill the competition!"

    Will they ship it with magnifying glass?

    0 1 Reply
  14. returnmyjedi

    The new iPad doesn't have a SIM tray, but is 4G compatible. Does this mean that data plans will be controlled by Apple hence forth? Oh joy of joys.

    1 1 Reply
    1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: returnmyjedi

      As far as we're aware, there is a nanoSIM slot – just a software SIM as well that you can reconfigure at will for a UK or US carrier for a short-term data plan (handy when traveling abroad apparently).

      Supported soft carriers are AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile US and EE.

      C.

      1 0 Reply
      1. returnmyjedi
        Reply Icon

        Re: returnmyjedi

        Ah, okay. Other, less reputable sites than el reg are claiming otherwise (and declaring it to be the most magical thing to happen to sims since they were debigified TWICE).

        0 0 Reply
  15. Greg D
    Thumb Up

    Bahahaha, cheered my Friday up!

    that is all.

    0 0 Reply

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