Liam Maxwell - recruitment agent.
Jesus wept.
Data centre supplier Ark has backtracked over the length of a G-Cloud deal with the Ministry of Defence - insisting the contract is actually for two years not ten, as it had originally indicated. Ark initially told us the deal is a "major consolidation and centralisation project" which will "generate significant savings to the …
and therefore liable to be banned by mumsnet.
For something that should be common sense and bloody useful what happens is this...
.Gov sysAdmin1: I need a data centre
.Gov sysAdmin2: I have a data centre
.Gov sysAdmin1: I'm not using your data centre because I'll have no control over my data
.Gov sysAdmin2: I'm not letting you use my data centre because I'll have no control over security.
.Gov sysAdmin1: I'm phoning Capita
.Gov sysAdmin2: So am I.
Capita: Welcome friends, much cheapness for you, come into my parlour.
That's at the systems level. The conversation at the management level goes like this:
Civil service middle manager 1: We've been contracted to modernise our IT function
Civil service middle manager 2: Modernise how?
Civil service middle manager 1: Modernise so that we don't need as many people running around with bits of paper.
Civil service middle manager 2: So if the project is successful you'll have a smaller empire and may not have a job at all?
Civil service middle manager 1: It looks that way.
Civil service middle manager 2: What happens if it isn't successful?
Civil service middle manager 1: In that case we'll need to take on extra staff to handle the fallout and my empire will grow. Plus if we use one of our usual suppliers then they'll take the blame as long as we promise to give them the next contract too.
Civil service middle manager 2: I'm phoning Capita.
Civil service middle manager 1: I think Fujitsu are a better fit here. They did the NHS contract.
Civil service middle manager 2: Great idea.
Does the Crown Hosting Service take me to major international sporting events? No it does not.
Does the Crown Hosting Service have a plush office in the West End and does it take me to a 3 Michelin star restaurant for lunch after meetings there? No it does not.
Does the Crown Hosting Service even know what a round of golf is? No it does not.
There! Look!
What does it say? What language is that?
Brother Maynard, you're our scholar!
It is Marketanic-Governementese!!
Of course. Smoothtalk of Procuriatana!
Of course.
What does it say?
It reads, "Here may be found...
"...the last words of Mark Craddock, former lead for G-Cloud buyers:
"'He who is valiant and pure of spirit...
"'...may find the Holy Savings of Energy...
"'...in the Data Centre of Arrrkkkkk."'
Come on!
That's what it says.
That fuckwittery is straight out of the world leading technical experts with huge experience in running system critical, secure, Government scale solutions. Sorry, I mean the world leading technical experts in reskinning websites.
YAY! GO GDS!