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back to article DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

A woman in California allegedly killed her boyfriend using mixed veg, according to local news reports. According to NBCLA, a local prosecutor states that Linda Clarene Jackson, 59, of Lake Los Angeles, allegedly attacked her 59-year-old boyfriend, David Ruiz, while he was in her house. The local TV station reported further …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Worse and more damaging things than spamming someone.

    If that's a cue for tins of spam jokes then I'm dry, you'll have to have all jokes without spam. Without spam? Urgh....

    3 0 Reply
  2. Six_Degrees

    Wait - there's such a thing as canned carrots?

    Why?

    4 1 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      IT Angle

      EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

      While in France I spotted canned snails.

      Yep, you read correctly, something even worse than Spam!!

      * OK, I meant food-wise.

      Please note, mentioning Spam doesnt make this IT related.

      5 4 Reply
      1. Paul Woodhouse
        Reply Icon

        Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

        sorry, had to downvote cos I rather like eating snails... and I can't stand Spam :p....

        4 0 Reply
        1. John 110
          Reply Icon
          Joke

          Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

          I QUITE LIKE SPAM...

          (Do I have to say "bloody vikings!"?)

          5 0 Reply
      2. Sgt_Oddball
        Reply Icon

        Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

        You've never heard of hákarl then. It's considered an offence to open it in someplaces as well as being banned from handcarry on airflights.

        1 0 Reply
        1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

          I believe it's surströmming that's banned from hand luggage.

          Hákarl sounds worse than surströmming, but at least it's not under pressure.

          0 0 Reply
      3. Whit.I.Are
        Reply Icon

        Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

        I recently saw canned brussel sprouts...

        0 0 Reply
    2. 20legend
      Reply Icon

      Same reason as every other canned veg...

      2 0 Reply
      1. smartypants
        Reply Icon

        Tinned tomatoes shirley should be excepted. And kidney beans. And borlotti beans. And olives. And anchovies*

        (*for my vegetarian friends who eat fish)

        0 0 Reply
    3. SolidSquid
      Reply Icon

      Generally for longer term storage/out of season use. Also they're generally pretty cheap and work in soups pretty much as well as fresh carrots would

      1 0 Reply
      1. Matt Langley
        Reply Icon

        I also understand that you can substitute home made carrot soup made with tinned carrots with tinned carrot soup, and it tastes pretty much the same as home made tinned-carrot soup.

        2 0 Reply
    4. Monty Cantsin
      Reply Icon

      I would have thought canned carrots are fairly common - although the ones I see in the supermarket (never bought them) are usually in jars, not cans, and they're those little baby carrots.

      For the worst thing in a can ever, nothing beats Canned Whole Chicken:

      http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/whole-chicken-in-a-can-taste-test.html

      1 0 Reply
      1. Jonathan Richards 1
        Reply Icon
        Unhappy

        Pffffft!

        I'd eat canned chicken like that for the rest of my life rather than be in the same building as Surströmming. There is video evidence of the totally revolting nature of this Swedish delicacy - or Weapon of Limited Destruction - on YouTube.

        Disclaimer: I punched 'Pause' on that video about two seconds in, before the guy even picked up the can. You have been warned!

        1 0 Reply
    5. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      do you really think those perfect, all identical, baby-cut carrots you get in some restaurants are prepared by hand in the restaurant itself? (They're either canned or frozen)

      1 0 Reply
      1. keith_w
        Reply Icon
        Unhappy

        I am pretty sure they are regular adult carrots run through a die to shape them into baby carrots.

        1 0 Reply
      2. Joe Loughry
        Reply Icon

        They're made on a carrot lathe.

        3 0 Reply
    6. IanTP
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      Upvote for the Jasper Carrot reference! :)

      0 0 Reply

    7. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. keith_w
        Reply Icon

        Check the sodium.

        1 0 Reply
    8. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Was sent to buy a jar of diced carrots the other day. Had to stop myself thinking of Billy Connolly.

      1 0 Reply
    9. Fungus Bob
      Reply Icon

      "Wait - there's such a thing as canned carrots?

      Why?"

      For killing people, obviously...

      0 0 Reply
  3. GSystems

    No Worries...

    It's a female who committed a murder... In the ol' U.S. women are hardly responsible for their actions and thus get far lighter sentences than men... It's the whole "equal protection under law" approach that has served us so well...

    My calculation: She'll be out just in time for her Social Security cheque...

    8 20 Reply
    1. sabroni Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Facepalm

      Re: No Worries...

      You poor old downtrodden male you.... Cry me a fucking river.

      27 8 Reply
      1. sabroni Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: No Worries...

        What's more irritating is that, despite the masculinist vibe of the OP there is a point to be made here. Apparently women do get lesser sentences for similar crimes: http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2144002"

        A single paper doesn't constitute irrefutable evidence by any standards, but it is certainly worth considering.

        1 0 Reply
    2. Anonymous Blowhard
      Reply Icon

      Re: No Worries...

      "She'll be out just in time for her Social Security cheque"

      She won't need Social Security, she'll be pitching for the Dodgers...

      4 0 Reply
    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No Worries...

      "In the ol' U.S. women are hardly responsible for their actions and thus get far lighter sentences than men"

      Perhaps interestingly the statistics show that men are 9 times as likely to be sent to prison as women, and 90.5% of murders are committed by men.

      More evidence is needed but your statement is hardly borne out.

      6 1 Reply
  4. Alister
    Boffin

    The episode serves to underline the fact that there are worse and more damaging things than spamming someone

    Hmm, I wouldn't be so sure, tins of Spam tend to be square, whereas tins of veg and soup are nearly always round, so I would suggest that being hit by a tin of Spam is potentially more damaging.

    I feel some further research may be necessary...

    5 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      More damaging than dead is just overkill

      3 0 Reply
    2. TheOtherHobbes
      Reply Icon

      >tins of Spam tend to be square

      IME they tend to have rounded corners.

      It's incredible Apple allows them to continue this blatant patent infringement.

      10 0 Reply
  5. Shadow Systems

    She'll get off lightly...

    She'll tell the Judge she felt he needed more iron in his diet...

    I'll get my coat, it's the one with the tin of Chicken Noodle Soup in the pocket.

    2 0 Reply
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Any accident happend to my brother Jim,

    When someone through a tomatoe at him.

    Tomatoes are juicy and don't hurt the skin,

    But this one was specially packed in a tin.

    (with apologies to the late Spike Milligan)

    13 0 Reply
    1. Chris Miller
      Reply Icon

      You spell tomatoe

      And I spell tomato ...

      8 0 Reply

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        You missed through/throw.

        Where is the BC/ES lamp fitting on a cable c/w ceiling fixing when you need it??

        0 0 Reply
      3. noominy.noom
        Reply Icon

        And they spell through, I spell threw.

        0 0 Reply
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That will teach him not to criticise her cooking again.

    0 3 Reply
    1. TitterYeNot
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Well, it's certainly one way of teaching someone to mind their peas and Q's I suppose...

      4 0 Reply
  8. Andy Non Silver badge
    Trollface

    This thread is full of canned laughter.

    2 0 Reply
  9. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    SHOCKING NEWS: Dieticians were right!

    Tinned food is bad for you!

    6 0 Reply
  10. Richard Jones 1
    Joke

    Full of Canned Laughs

    It sounds a bit tinny to me*

    Apologies to those who think a tinny is something else - better!

    0 0 Reply
    1. DuncanL
      Reply Icon

      Re: Full of Canned Laughs

      "Vegetables" has got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Much better than 'newspaper' or 'litter bin'.

      3 0 Reply

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  11. ukgnome

    What ever next?

    Death by squirrel!

    0 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Custard
      Reply Icon

      Death by kitchen cupboard. At least that's what mine tried a couple of nights ago when I opened it and it rained tins down on me.

      I really must tidy it up one of these days...

      1 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Death by squirrel has been attempted already:

        http://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/450771/Man-stabbed-with-squirrel-after-returning-home-without-beer-on-Christmas-Eve

        1 0 Reply
  12. DrBobK

    Infamous Leytonstone Drive-by Turnip Killing

    I'm disappointed that the vegetables were still in cans.

    http://www.aintnowaytogo.com/turnip.htm

    1 0 Reply
  13. Ironclad
    Coat

    Conflict is not the answer.

    All we are saying, is give peas a chance.

    31 0 Reply
  14. Tromos
    Joke

    Proof...

    ,,,that crisps are healthier than vegetables.

    3 0 Reply
  15. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    #10 cans?

    Must have been using the industrial sized #10 cans!

    0 0 Reply

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