back to article Boffin: Will I soon be able to CLONE a WOOLLY MAMMOTH? YES. Should I? Hell NO

It will definitely be possible within the foreseeable future to bring back the long-extinct woolly mammoth, a top geneticist has said. However, in his regretful opinion such a resurrection should not be carried out. The assertion comes in the wake of a new study of mammoth genetics as compared to their cousins the Asian and …

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  1. Locky

    If only

    there was some kind of easily accessible media that would explain the consequences of doing this

    But that would be just crazy talk

    1. fajensen

      Re: If only

      Fire that shit up and see what it does. What can possibly go wrong?

    2. PleebSmash
      1. Little Mouse
        Boffin

        Re: If only

        A fly might stray into the DNA re-constituting machine? (or maybe a tarantula / anaconda / venus flytrap / etc)

        That would be pretty awesome.

    3. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      As it turns out...

      They have a taste for human flesh, and they can run a lot faster than we thought. Not to mention, they're bulletproof.

      Our ancestors spent thousands of years living in fear, before finally killing the last of these ferocious beasts.

      1. Nolveys

        Re: As it turns out...

        We were also surprised by their bipedal walking style, tool use and tendency to wear giant top hats.

  2. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Go

    Revival is essential if the truly key questions are to be answered.

    What parts make the best burgers.

    Next I'll be looking for an answer to the question "Dodo egg omelet. Worth the wait?"

    1. Gordon 10

      Re: Revival is essential if the truly key questions are to be answered.

      yea - and ship them to Africa so they can cook themselves.

    2. Markus Imhof
      Pint

      Re: Revival is essential if the truly key questions are to be answered.

      Of course. Cows aren't threatened by extinction, and neither are chicken. As long as the species is useful or at least tasty, it'll thrive.

    3. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: Revival is essential if the truly key questions are to be answered.

      Say it with me in your best Homer Simpson voice "Mmmm bbq Wooly Mammoth ararrrrrrrrgh!"

    4. s5PGmU
      Thumb Up

      Re: Revival is essential if the truly key questions are to be answered.

      I'll take a McMammoth combo meal. And can you supersize it?

  3. knarf

    Let 'em loose in Russia

    Might do some good to the environment there.

    1. PleebSmash
      Thumb Up

      Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

      You don't say?

      Pleistocene Park: Return of the Mammoth's Ecosystem

    2. Unep Eurobats
      Stop

      Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

      No, all that would achieve is blanket media coverage of a topless Putin hunting them.

      1. Phil W

        Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

        Or riding them.

        1. CAPS LOCK

          Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

          Or wrestling them.

          1. Little Mouse

            Re: Hunting / Wrestling / Riding...

            Or poisoning them. With polonium.

            1. Phil W

              Re: Hunting / Wrestling / Riding...

              Or sneaking them across the border the border into neighbouring countries.

              No wait, they're just volunteer mammoths.

        2. Robert Helpmann??
          Childcatcher

          Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

          No, all that would achieve is blanket media coverage of a topless Putin hunting them....

          Or riding them.

          Or riding one bareback while hunting an entire heard with his bare hands.

    3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

      Good - that depends on the definition.

      Providing a viable meat and dairy producing animal for the far North of Russia, Finland, Norway, Canada and USA - that sounds good as an idea. However, that begs the question - why not achieve the same using Caribou?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

        35 times the weight per animal.

    4. TheTrouser

      Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

      I thought Putin rode one to the Kremlin each morning - sure there's a picture somewhere....

      1. Antonymous Coward

        Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

        >"I thought Putin rode one to the Kremlin each morning - sure there's a picture somewhere...."

        That was a picture of him carrying an injured one to the Moscow zoo

    5. GitMeMyShootinIrons

      Re: Let 'em loose in Russia

      Make it a government contract with massive opportunities for corrupt dealings. Call it Jurassic Pork.

  4. Vinyl-Junkie
    Stop

    Ian Malcom: But your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

    Michael Chrichton - Jurassic Park

    At least someone got the memo...

    Whilst I think (re)creating a mammoth sounds fabulous; you only have to look at the havoc wrought by existing non-native species to wonder if it would really be a good idea. You could probably control the mammoths, but what about parasite and disease mutations? Mammoth 'flu, anyone?

    1. CAPS LOCK

      > " but what about parasite and disease mutations? Mammoth 'flu, anyone?"

      Learn 2 sceince.

      1. Anonymous Coward
    2. chivo243 Silver badge

      Glad someone said it... well done!

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      "Ian Malcom: But your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

      Michael Chrichton - Jurassic Park

      At least someone got the memo..."

      ...and he was far from being the first. Authors have always postulated situations and then gone on to discuss the morals and philosophy behind the alternative answers going back to at least the ancient Greeks. "modern" SF is probably the most obvious current outlet for this type of speculative philosophy dating back at least to Jules Verne or Mary Shelly.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Really? Is that a serous comment? Or is it a joke?

  5. tkioz
    Pint

    Hell Yes!

    I want to see what they taste like, the ones that the Explorer's club ate back in the 50s was suppose to have tasted awesome.

    What is science for if we can't bring back dead animals... and eat them.

    Beer because there is no wine icon (Red for Mammoth?)

    1. Antonymous Coward
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Hell Yes!

      Of course!

      To me this announcement smells like a ploy to undermine his rivals.

      Huge PR splaff: "I could do it any time I wanted. I just don't wanna. Honest"

      What are the odds that a Russian team is much closer and in the midst of a final round of fundraising?

      ( Definitely red for Mammoth. I'll have mine served blue, with fava beans and a nice chianti, please. )

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: Hell Yes!

      Dibs on the ribs!

      http://www.animationsensations.com/original-hanna-barbera-limited-edition-cel-eds-mammoth-ribs

  6. Vulch

    Wrangel Island

    Had mammoths living on it around 4000 years ago. By the time the last one died the pyramids were over a thousand years old...

    1. Richard Wharram

      Re: Wrangel Island

      The Old Kingdom Pyramids in Giza at least were built about 2500 BC so 4500 years ago, not 5000.

      The Middle Kingdom Pyramids were about 4000 years ago.

      They didn't bother with Pyramids in the New Kingdom.

      The oldest Egyptian Pyramid was Djoser's at Saqqara and that's still only about 2650 BC and that wasn't really a true pyramid. Really you'd be looking at the Red Pyramid as the first true pyramid.

      Anyone for Serious Sam?

      1. Grikath

        Re: Wrangel Island

        Point in question is still the same..

        The beasties were still around when "Mankind" had already progressed into "civilisation" ( and then some). Of course.. all the stone age megalithic sites in europe/north asia, many predating the pyramids, do, of course, not count as "civilisation". The buggers didn't write anything down after all, and being practically nextdoor they are less interesting.

        Whether or not we should re-introduce an elephant species in its more-or-less original environment? Well, we're talking about the siberian tundra and taiga. The local insects wouldn't mind, they won't disturb the birds much, and the bears and wolves would love the extra protein. It may even give the tigers left there there a chance on a decent lunch. And it's not as if the area there is prime real estate for its biggest potential enemy: humans.

        I'd say it's worth a shot.

        1. PleebSmash

          Re: Wrangel Island

          "Whether or not we should re-introduce an elephant species in its more-or-less original environment? Well, we're talking about the siberian tundra and taiga."

          Pleistocene Park: Return of the Mammoth's Ecosystem

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Wrangel Island

          "The buggers didn't write anything down after all, and being practically nextdoor they are less interesting"

          They didn't write down anything that we have identified as writing. That doesn't mean that they did not have some wort of written language. The Beaker People and their Bronze Age successors had a culture that spread across Europe. It might have depended on oral tradition; or it might be that they used something which wasn't that durable.

          In any case, just because the last mammoth remains discovered were ca. 5000 years old doesn't mean that is when they went extinct. Scientists are usually much more cautious; it's journalists who announce that some part of a skeleton is from one of our ancestors, just based on the statement that it fits somewhere in with species X or race Y.

          1. nagyeger

            Re: Wrangel Island

            > or it might be that they used something which wasn't that durable.

            Ugg told them and told them, if you want durable storage you can't trust it to spinning rust.

            And as for those faddish crystal ball user-interfaces the girls loved, well, the batteries in them just don't last and then what have you got? Just a fancy paperweight.

        3. Mark 85
          Flame

          Re: Wrangel Island

          Whether or not we should re-introduce an elephant species in its more-or-less original environment? Well, we're talking about the siberian tundra and taiga

          I won't work as they will die off from heat stroke, etc. Haven't you heard? We're in the middle of a Global Climate Warming Crisis (or whatever it's being called this week)!!!! And millions of school children collecting pennies for food drops and air conditioning their habitat and the Greenpeacers waving signs saying "Save the Wooly Mammoth" will be for naught.

          Icon for global warming ---------------------------->

        4. Burch

          Re: Wrangel Island

          The Asian elephants (an endangered species) which would be required as incubators would mind.

  7. jake Silver badge

    It's not a "should" question.

    If it can happen, it will, eventually.

    Kiddies citing hollywood's hollow science not withstanding.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's not a "should" question.

      Crap! I upvoted jake. I feel dirty.

    2. veti Silver badge

      Re: It's not a "should" question.

      "Should" is still a valid question, and it's independent of "will".

      Personally, I'd vote no. In my lifetime, we've gone from holding intelligent animals in zoos in too-small cages, whales and dolphins in captivity, to allowing them greater freedom and an environment closer to their natural one. If the mammoth is approximately as intelligent as the elephant - which seems fairly likely - then what sort of conditions would you keep them in?

      What would it be like, being the only one of your species? Mary Shelley didn't think it'd be much fun.

  8. The last doughnut
    Pint

    Get the muscle genes into a vat-grown meat process and churn out those woolly burgers I want to know how it tastes.

    Friday beers all round!

    1. The last doughnut

      Two thumbs down - just what you need for eating a burger

  9. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Mushroom

    PULL THE LEVEL IGOR! WUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

    Yethhh Marthter!!!

    We need an Igor icon. We really do

    1. Red Bren
      Thumb Up

      Re: PULL THE LEVEL IGOR! WUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

      Upvote for the Igor icon!

    2. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: PULL THE LEVEL IGOR! WUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

      After you've pulled the level Igor, pull the sloping Igor too.

  10. Velv
    Trollface

    This absolutely should be done, purely to see the look on the face of Creationists

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