back to article Reg reader achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Those of you who've been knocking around the El Reg forums for a while will know that we have a badge system designed to honour invaluable Reg reader contributions to the site, or at least acknowledge a certain degree of commitment to giving forth. To get a foot on the first step on the ladder of glory - the bronze badge - you …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    D****

    It's "Dread..." isn't it?

    Do I win a prize?

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon
      Thumb Up

      Re: D****

      you get to be his "shower buddy" :)

      1. EddieD

        Re: D****

        Sherrif he says - which would indicate he's north of the border.

        I'll check the papers.

    2. DreadPirateRobot

      Re: D****

      Not this one if it is

    3. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: D****

      It's not Dylan is it? Sheriffs? Badges?

      Mama, take this badge off of me

      I can't use it anymore.

      It's gettin' dark, too dark to see

      I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

      Not sure about the El Reg/Heaven connection though.

      1. Danny 2
        Thumb Up

        Re: D****

        @ Ken Moorhouse

        So close. "Danny and Dusty" did a brilliant cover of Knocking on Heavens Door, but they (Sid Griffin) wrote an even more apt one, "The Word is out on Me"

        "It's like a little village, man!

        I was feeling very sad and so low, I went looking for some liquid sympathy

        Went and found some bums down at the depot and those commentards went and called the cops on me

        ...

        Seems like lately I've been paying for things I used to get for free

        Don't you know I hear the music playin', whoah I know the word is out on me"

    4. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: D****

      Comment here purely for those that don't read past page 2. The guy 'wot dunnit' has come forwards further on in the comments section and explained his situation somewhat.

  2. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Well, I hope you'll make an exception and change his badge to have little bars on it. I'm sure he'll appreiciate it, post jail time.

    1. YetAnotherLocksmith Silver badge

      That would be epic.

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Shirley depriving someone of El Reg when in prison must count as cruel and unusual punishment?

      1. Jedit Silver badge
        Coat

        "depriving someone of El Reg must count as cruel and unusual punishment?"

        No, that's forcing them to read the comments section.

  3. Sir Runcible Spoon
    WTF?

    Holy shit!

    What do you get for a Silver or Gold?

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Holy shit!

      A free bar of soap.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Holy shit!

        "A free bar of soap."

        Can't wait. I keep dropping mine.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon
            Headmaster

            Re: Holy shit!

            "Two nuns in the bath..."

            Don't, you'll set the pedants off :P

            And yes, it does doesn't it.

            1. Scott 53
              Headmaster

              Re: Holy shit!

              And yes it does, doesn't it?

              FTFY

              To be fair, you did warn everyone.

            2. herman

              Re: Holy shit!

              No, it is 'Rub a dub dub, two maids in a tub', not nuns.

              Well, technically nuns are maidens I suppose...

          2. Chika

            Re: Holy shit!

            Two nuns in the bath...

            "Yes, it does" ;)

        2. Nevermind
          Devil

          Re: Holy shit!

          Cheeky.

        3. Robert Helpmann??
          Childcatcher

          Re: Holy shit!

          A free bar of soap

          That's for a silver badge. For gold you get soap on a rope.

      2. Peter Simpson 1
        Happy

        Re: Holy shit!

        Silver gets you your own bar of soap

        Gold gets it on a rope.

        1. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

          Re: Holy shit!

          > Gold gets it on a rope.

          I hope he gets off on it.

        2. macjules

          Re: Holy shit!

          TMI

    2. Grikath

      Re: Holy shit!

      Silver gets you on the Special Watch List as a Subversive Element.

      Gold... Well given that those worthies are handpicked by Vulture Central up to this day... Your iDevices will stop talking to you, and won't respond to your queries, at the least. Or Death by Playmonaut.

      1. Anonymous Custard
        Pirate

        Re: Holy shit!

        Nah.

        Silver - your own set of evil henchmen and a dingy backstreet bar or nightclub to operate out of.

        Gold - your own volcano lair.

      2. Stoneshop

        Re: Holy shit!

        Silver gets you on the Special Watch List

        I'm currently wearing a Casio Waveceptor Illuminator. Is that special enough, or do I need to get Dave Scott's Bulova Wrist Chronograph?

      3. GrumpenKraut

        Re: Holy shit!

        > Or Death by Playmonaut.

        Death _as_ Playmonaut would be much more lovely!

      4. Greg J Preece

        Re: Holy shit!

        Silver gets you on the Special Watch List as a Subversive Element.

        Ohhhhhhhhhh fuck.

        On the upside, no chance of me getting upgraded to gold. There's no way I'm considered a net positive, given how much of a greenie I was when I joined.

        For Silver, a copy of Windows 10.

        Even though I only really use Windows for gaming, there's no way I'm putting that spyware on my gorgeous Plasma 5 box.

      5. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Holy shit!

        Upvote for "Death by Playmonaut". Instant classic.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Holy shit!

      What do you get for a Silver or Gold?

      For Silver, a copy of Windows 10. Gold has to actually use it too :).

      1. Chris King
        Coat

        Re: Holy shit!

        Gold gets Windows 10... On a phone !!!

      2. Fatman

        Re: Holy shit!

        <quote>What do you get for a Silver or Gold?

        For Silver, a copy of Windows 10. Gold has to actually use it too :).</quote>

        There is NO WAY IN HELL I would allow Windows 10 to infect this Linux box!!!!

    4. Danny 2

      Re: Holy shit!

      I'm guessing that is what happened to Danny 1.

  4. Unep Eurobats
    Thumb Up

    You can get badges?

    Wahey!

    1. Ralph the Wonder Llama
      Meh

      Re: You can get badges?

      With a username like that, were you once one of the Finest Minds in Twickenham, or is it just a wild coincidence?

      1. Unep Eurobats
        Pint

        Re: You can get badges?

        @Mr Lama: happy times.

        1. Ralph the Wonder Llama
          Happy

          Re: You can get badges?

          Does seem like a long time ago, in a galaxy far away, but yes indeed :)

    2. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: You can get badges?

      Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!

      1. Anonymous Blowhard

        Re: You can get badges?

        Also:

        Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!

        What happened to the Web 2.0 Badger icon?

        http://www.theregister.co.uk/_teaser/web_badger.jpg

        1. PNGuinn
          Go

          Re: You can get badges?

          So - what do you have to do to get awarded a badger?? or a sheep in a vacuum???

          1. Danny 2
            Coat

            Re: You can get badges?

            "

            Who is is wearing badges, Who is making love

            Who is receiving from up above

            talking in a whisper, yeah speaking in tongues

            talking of the devil yeah here he comes

            badges, badges, we don't need no steenkin' bajees

            Walks up to me, makes the sign of the cross,

            says Julian H. Cope, you're a real dead loss

            "

            Okay, the old ones are not necessarily the best, but at least give me a wee bit of credit for getting the Doctor into this spamalot. 'I wanna be the pappa of this whole darn thread'. Ah the fun of drinking songs with friends, worth it even if I won't see your replies or downvotes and I lose my badge.

            "Well, I woke up next morning feeling like my head was gone

            And like my thick old tongue was licking something sick and wrong

            And I told that man I'd sell my soul for something wet and cold as that old cell"

            ~Voltaire, Candide

          2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

            Re: You can get badges?

            "So - what do you have to do to get awarded a badger?? or a sheep in a vacuum???

            Trust me - you don't want to know...

          3. The First Dave

            Re: You can get badges?

            @PNGuinn

            a _spherical_ sheep in a vacuum.

    3. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: You can get badges?

      Wahey!

      Very good.

      Now the other 99 don't NEED to be in the same topic.

  5. Unep Eurobats
    Mushroom

    I've been around here for ages

    and I've never got no steenkin' badges

    1. Bill Fresher

      Re: I've been around here for ages

      I ain't got no badges either. Member since 2007, 1332 posts.

      1. AMBxx Silver badge

        Re: I've been around here for ages

        You need upvotes too.

        1. Fink-Nottle

          Re: I've been around here for ages

          > You need upvotes too.

          Upvotes are easy.

          1/. Find a suitable post written by someone else.

          2/. Respond with "Here, have an upvote/downvote."

          3/. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: I've been around here for ages

            >Upvotes are easy.

            Just say how wonderful Linux is or how crap windows is. In any article about PC World say how you belittled one of the sales people with your superior knowledge even though you only went in to get out of the rain and wouldn't ever dream of buying anything from them. Deriding Apple products/users also used to be a sure fire winner but that seems to be 50/50 recently.

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