*Brushes up C.V.*
BALLMER TO RETIRE FROM MICROSOFT
Steve Ballmer is leaving identity crisis-hit Microsoft. The software maker's chief announced his intention to retire from MS within the next year. He said: "There is never a perfect time for this type of transition, but now is the right time." Whomever the new boss of Microsoft will be, he or she has a big job ahead of them …
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Friday 23rd August 2013 15:23 GMT Maharg
Steve Ballmer and the word ‘innovate’
Steve Ballmer quote - "Today, we are announcing a far-reaching realignment of the company that will enable us to innovate with greater speed, efficiency and capability in a fast changing world."
this is what I think happened...
Steve Ballmer - Quick we need to innovate, fast!
MS dude #1 – I know, let’s get rid of the Start button!
Steve Ballmer – Great innovation, do it with great speed!
MS dude #2 – I don’t know, it’s been there for years, everyone knows how to use it, it doesn’t seen a good idea to completely change the basics of our most recognizable features
Steve Ballmer - Shut up and innovate!
MS dude #2 – it’s stupid
MS dude #1 – it’s done!
MS dude #2 – then un-do it
MS dude #1 – can’t it’s to quick, its gone! I’m innovating with speed!
Steve Ballmer - Quick we need to innovate, more, with more greater speed, fast!
MS dude #1 – Lets just move everything about, and make it more like a tablet!
MS dude #2 – isn’t the whole reason tables are set up and operate like that due to the restrictions of not having a keyboard and mouse?
Steve Ballmer - Shut up, its innovation!
MS dude #1 - It’s not just innovation! Its fast innovation!
MS dude #2 – You’re just making changes for the sake of them!
Steve Ballmer – No, we are innovating, with great speed!
MS dude #1 – Innovate!
Steve Ballmer – Yeah!
MS dude #1 – Yeah Innovate!
Steve Ballmer – Yeah! Purple! Make everything Purple!
MS dude #2 – Sod it, I’m going to work for Google
Steve Ballmer – Tiles! I want Tiles! And blocks!
MS dude #1 – Tetris Mutha-f**ker!
Steve Ballmer – INOVATE! WE NEED TO INOVATE! Hello is that Marketing? What’s trendy and hip? Dubstep? I don’t care what it is put it on the adverts! Yes, I want it to look like some is making an Dubstep while looking at a Windows 8 background! No not any kind of music software, just moving icons about on the desktop while wearing headphones like a DJ! No its not stupid its innovation! Yeah that’s it, Bing! Where is Bing? I need Bing! Make some swoshy colours! Cowbell! I need more Cowbell! Stick a Facespace and a Mybook on it in case people forget about the internets! Shut up its innovating!
Bill Gates crony – WTF IS THAT?
MS dude #1 – Windows 8, Steve made me do it.
Bill Gates crony – change it all back, Steve, f**k off.
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Friday 23rd August 2013 16:25 GMT xperroni
Coincidences
Just this morning, for no particular reason whatsoever, I was reading an article on the history of East Germany, and how its "repressive, undemocratic, illiberal, nonpluralistic character" progressively pissed people off until they started defecting in droves. Shortly thereafter the whole thing crumbled down.
Funny coincidence, this.
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Friday 23rd August 2013 16:42 GMT Spoonsinger
Not really that good...
Ballmer was old school who went to the femoral shiny side, (to mix metaphors). Sort of missed the plot, (but probably down to history). Shiny sells to the 'consumer', but familiarity sells to 'business'. If you have a strangle hold on one of those don't try and mix the two unless the end result is f**king top notch.
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Friday 23rd August 2013 17:01 GMT W. Anderson
Many technology people that I know think it is unfortunate that Steve Ballmer is retiring, preferring him to stay on and continue to balls up the Microsoft stumbling machine that only he knows how to do.
I am confident that Google and Apple are also saddened by his pending departure, as he has led the effort of cementing the iOS and Android supremacy in the mobile world, and confirmed Microsoft as the laughing stock of the "trusted computing" mantra.
Good luck Steve, We will surely miss you, throwing chairs around in rage.
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