back to article BALLMER TO RETIRE FROM MICROSOFT

Steve Ballmer is leaving identity crisis-hit Microsoft. The software maker's chief announced his intention to retire from MS within the next year. He said: "There is never a perfect time for this type of transition, but now is the right time." Whomever the new boss of Microsoft will be, he or she has a big job ahead of them …

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  1. Jacksonville
    Go

    *Brushes up C.V.*

  2. lset

    Ugh...

    As one of my friends just pointed out, he's done a damn good job of getting rid of everyone who could have replaced him. Then he decides to jump ship. Excellent job Ballmer.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So now we know what Eadon has been up to since he got banned. Well done, Eadon - all is forgiven.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Developers Developers Developers.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8To-6VIJZRE

    This never gets old...

  5. Daniel B.
    Devil

    Leaving the freefalling plane

    ... after dumping the fuel, blowing up the wings, and pitching it on a 90º descent with the whole tail section gone ...

    Yes, I'd also say it's about time to retire. Let the rest fall to their doom!

  6. Vociferous

    HOLY CRAP!

    WINDOWS 8 BROUGHT HIM DOWN!

    How's THAT for a resounding fiasco, when one of the largest shareholders gets [s]kicked out[/s] leaves his position as CEO as a result?

    Even Vista didn't manage that!

  7. tempemeaty

    Change or....

    What I think is likely to come about by the time of retirement is something like Ballmer remains a board member, Gates temporarily steps back into the roll of managing the company and nothing changes.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lucky guy

    He will spend his time on the beach, hopefully with lots of sunscreen on his head and listening to music on his Zune. (Yes, he has got one of the three Zune devices sold).

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Lucky guy

      He insisted his kids have Zunes instead of iPods.... therefore, he bought all three of them.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        Re: Lucky guy

        I wonder what the play list would be…

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Lucky guy

        Only a moron banishes competitors products from their household.

        How on earth can you expect to learn about the competition if you don't actually try them?

  9. Maharg

    Steve Ballmer and the word ‘innovate’

    Steve Ballmer quote - "Today, we are announcing a far-reaching realignment of the company that will enable us to innovate with greater speed, efficiency and capability in a fast changing world."

    this is what I think happened...

    Steve Ballmer - Quick we need to innovate, fast!

    MS dude #1 – I know, let’s get rid of the Start button!

    Steve Ballmer – Great innovation, do it with great speed!

    MS dude #2 – I don’t know, it’s been there for years, everyone knows how to use it, it doesn’t seen a good idea to completely change the basics of our most recognizable features

    Steve Ballmer - Shut up and innovate!

    MS dude #2 – it’s stupid

    MS dude #1 – it’s done!

    MS dude #2 – then un-do it

    MS dude #1 – can’t it’s to quick, its gone! I’m innovating with speed!

    Steve Ballmer - Quick we need to innovate, more, with more greater speed, fast!

    MS dude #1 – Lets just move everything about, and make it more like a tablet!

    MS dude #2 – isn’t the whole reason tables are set up and operate like that due to the restrictions of not having a keyboard and mouse?

    Steve Ballmer - Shut up, its innovation!

    MS dude #1 - It’s not just innovation! Its fast innovation!

    MS dude #2 – You’re just making changes for the sake of them!

    Steve Ballmer – No, we are innovating, with great speed!

    MS dude #1 – Innovate!

    Steve Ballmer – Yeah!

    MS dude #1 – Yeah Innovate!

    Steve Ballmer – Yeah! Purple! Make everything Purple!

    MS dude #2 – Sod it, I’m going to work for Google

    Steve Ballmer – Tiles! I want Tiles! And blocks!

    MS dude #1 – Tetris Mutha-f**ker!

    Steve Ballmer – INOVATE! WE NEED TO INOVATE! Hello is that Marketing? What’s trendy and hip? Dubstep? I don’t care what it is put it on the adverts! Yes, I want it to look like some is making an Dubstep while looking at a Windows 8 background! No not any kind of music software, just moving icons about on the desktop while wearing headphones like a DJ! No its not stupid its innovation! Yeah that’s it, Bing! Where is Bing? I need Bing! Make some swoshy colours! Cowbell! I need more Cowbell! Stick a Facespace and a Mybook on it in case people forget about the internets! Shut up its innovating!

    Bill Gates crony – WTF IS THAT?

    MS dude #1 – Windows 8, Steve made me do it.

    Bill Gates crony – change it all back, Steve, f**k off.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bring Back Bill!

    He couldn't do worse and this could be perfect for them.

  11. An(other) Droid
    Go

    Never a perfect time to quit?

    For Steve Ballmer the perfect time was yesterday, maybe the day before.

    Icon: That's what Steve should have done long back.

  12. rcorrect

    Remind me of Saddam Hussein

    For a moment I almost felt sorry for him but then common sense kicked in.

  13. xperroni
    Big Brother

    Coincidences

    Just this morning, for no particular reason whatsoever, I was reading an article on the history of East Germany, and how its "repressive, undemocratic, illiberal, nonpluralistic character" progressively pissed people off until they started defecting in droves. Shortly thereafter the whole thing crumbled down.

    Funny coincidence, this.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Microsoft... the Musical!

    "There is never a perfect time ... but now is the right time."

    Barry White lyrics?

  15. Spoonsinger

    Not really that good...

    Ballmer was old school who went to the femoral shiny side, (to mix metaphors). Sort of missed the plot, (but probably down to history). Shiny sells to the 'consumer', but familiarity sells to 'business'. If you have a strangle hold on one of those don't try and mix the two unless the end result is f**king top notch.

  16. W. Anderson

    Many technology people that I know think it is unfortunate that Steve Ballmer is retiring, preferring him to stay on and continue to balls up the Microsoft stumbling machine that only he knows how to do.

    I am confident that Google and Apple are also saddened by his pending departure, as he has led the effort of cementing the iOS and Android supremacy in the mobile world, and confirmed Microsoft as the laughing stock of the "trusted computing" mantra.

    Good luck Steve, We will surely miss you, throwing chairs around in rage.

  17. darklordsid

    "At an end your rule is, and not short enough it was!"

  18. beast666
    Thumb Up

    Obvious...

    Bring in Elon Musk as CEO. He will sort the shit out.

  19. Philomena Cunk

    Candidates for the job.

    Jim Allchin, Brad Silverberg, Paul Maritz, Nathan Myhrvold, Greg Maffei, Pete Higgins, Jeff Raikes, J. Allard, Robbie Bach, Bill Veghte, Ray Ozzie, Bob Muglia and Steven Sinofsky

    Oh hang on, they have all jumped the sinking ship already, the lifeboats are full....

    1. btrower

      Re: Candidates for the job.

      It could well be a sinking ship. Let's see how quickly he starts dumping his shares.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Candidates for the job.

      Maybe Microsoft could ape Apple yet again: ask for Gates' return to the position?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Here's the real deal

    Future Bloomberg headline - IBM and ORCL do battle over ailing MSFT

  21. hammarbtyp

    Coincidence but...

    First Pamela Jones of Groklaw retires and now Steve Ballmer. Could it be they were the same person? It would certainly explain Ballmers actions over the last 10 years.

  22. The Alpha Klutz

    I wonder if someone will have the balls to fix Microsoft

    or are they so dependent on holding customers hostage that it will just be business as usual.

  23. JustNiz

    "There is never a perfect time for this type of transition, but now is the right time."

    Nope, the right time was 13 years ago.

  24. TRT Silver badge

    Oh M F G

    Windows 7. Windows Update Control Panel. Point at icon, navigate, click.

    Windows 8. Windows Update Control Panel. Swipe down somewhere without an icon, navigate, click, point, navigate, click, click.

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