Media problems

The data-loss problem that governments/businesses are currently experiencing can entirely be attributed to the small size of data media nowadays. A single USB stick or DVD can hold massive databases of customer information, credit card numbers, or classified secrets; and can be placed within a coat pocket, glove box, library book, down the back of the sofa, anywhere likely to be forgotten.

That's where my solution comes in. I will soon be launching my range of unlosable(tm) memory sticks. Each stick contains 16gb of data (more than enough for NATO troop movement maps, adult product customers' credit card details, taxpayer's intimate details) and is embedded within a 150kg block of granite, embossed with your country's flag or logo of your choice. The block is painted flourescent green and a flashing light and klaxon are activated when data is first written to the stick. There are also attachments for optional handcuffs, for permanent connection with the junior civil servant / delivery boy of your choice.