Jam on it? Nah - how about yer missus... ?

Quote: "Umm, I should crack into neighbor's machines and fix them?"

No! Don't do that!

I have neighbours. Unfortunately, the word has got out to them that I work with systems (like other correspondents, Windows vulns and user 'carelessness' earn me a modest crust).

So most weekends I get phonecalls that start "I wonder if you could nip round and have a look at my computer..."

Often trying to isolate a problem or reconfigure or sanitise the machine proves more time-consuming than a wipe and clean install. So I advise them to burn their userdata to CD and reinstall Windows. Usually, however, either the machine was bought with Windows pre-installed but without installation discs and/or restore discs or the owner is not up to reinstalling the OS, drivers, and apps.

That's where the problem arises. They expect me to do it for a bottle of wine or jar of homemade jam. When I quote my day-job hourly rate they start muttering about their mortgage.

Why the f**k do people expect me to give up a couple of hours of my weekend doing what I get well paid for in the week for a sample of their home cooking?

Many of my neighbours have particularly attractive wives or daughters. So why don't they make me an offer I _wouldn't_ refuse?

Life's a bitch. With or without Bill Gates.