Instant diet → #
Posted Monday 1st June 2009 12:47 GMT
In US firm says handheld puke ray is ready to go
Will happen to any innocent bystanders. Har Har Har.
42 posts • joined Monday 15th October 2007 11:56 GMT
Posted Monday 1st June 2009 12:47 GMT
In US firm says handheld puke ray is ready to go
Will happen to any innocent bystanders. Har Har Har.
Posted Monday 1st June 2009 11:50 GMT
In Boffins: Ordinary lightbulbs can be made efficient, cheaply
I know fail when I see it.
Incandescent bulbs turn about 2% of the energy in to actual light. Even with that increase of two thirds they are still far less efficient then the energy saving bulbs.
Now if they could turn it around and make sure that incandescent bulbs become 98% effective, then I'll be impressed. Until then, I will strive towards LED bulbs.
Posted Wednesday 18th March 2009 11:37 GMT
In Aussie firewall blocks Wikileaks
I'm not entirely sure but is the aussie firewall reaching some kind of new record?
From what it was advertised to a tool of political censorship?
Posted Wednesday 25th February 2009 15:51 GMT
In Earthworm blamed for laptop crash
The first actual case of a bug was caused by a moth getting squished between the relais of one of the first supercomputers.
Posted Monday 16th February 2009 11:51 GMT
In Missed flight woman goes absolutely mental
It must really be a slow day at El reg if they have to resort to these 'news' articles to fill the front page...
Posted Saturday 31st January 2009 20:06 GMT
In Google mistakes entire web for malware
Since every site that you download means work for your computer it increases wear and tear to visit websites. Arugably this is harmful to your computer.
So more accurately would be this website WILL harm your computer.
Posted Wednesday 28th January 2009 13:56 GMT
In Linux to spend eternity in shadow of 'little blue E'
The article meshes perfectly with my own experiences. Linux/unix/whatever may be better. But it has the image of something infinitely complex that comes with a command line instead of a GUI and without any of the familiar applications most people are used too.
Yes you can say that its possible to get all those things on a Linux machine. But it takes work and study. When you buy a car you expect a gas pedal, steering wheel etc. You'd also shirk away by something that didn't have those things.
That's what people want.
Posted Tuesday 27th January 2009 15:42 GMT
In iPhones will win the war in Afghanistan, says NATO chief
Makes me ashamed to be one...
Paris because De Hoop Scheffer and she are probably related. Or share the same intellect.
Posted Tuesday 27th January 2009 06:40 GMT
In Windows 7 public beta end date named
A free upgrade form Vista to 7.
I've given the OS a trial run and it seemed to work pretty well.
Posted Monday 26th January 2009 11:59 GMT
In Microsoft Songsmith ad trumps Seinfeld shocker
You mean as soon as the screaming dies down right? Gods that commercial was terrible!
Posted Monday 22nd December 2008 14:25 GMT
In Oz net censorship apparatus to target BitTorrent
That slope became slippery real real fast
Posted Monday 22nd December 2008 14:25 GMT
In Oz net censorship apparatus to target BitTorrent
Now that slope became slippery REAL fast.
Posted Tuesday 2nd December 2008 23:41 GMT
In Battlestar Galactica prequel shuns space, spaceships
They are killing ANOTHER good sci-fi series with crap like that.
The battlestar IS the series. There is a reason why the series is named after the ship all the action takes place on....
I swear TV producers come pre-lobotomized nowadays.
Posted Saturday 22nd November 2008 02:30 GMT
In Brand new Star Trek prequel pics and trailer
So long and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear?
You may not share our intellect
Which might explain your disrespect
For all the natural wonders that
grow around you
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
The genre's about to be destroyed
There's no point getting all annoyed
Lie back and let the series dissolve
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
We thought that most of you were sweet
Especially tiny tots and your
pregnant women
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
(yeah)
So long and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear?
(oh dear)
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
We thought that most of you were sweet
Especially tiny tots and your
pregnant women
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
Mine's the one with the TOS dvd's in the pocket.
Posted Friday 14th November 2008 14:19 GMT
In BOFH: The paperless cafeteria
Thank you Simon!
My jaw has been hurting the last week and laughter is the very best medicine! Once again, you where hilarious!
Posted Friday 14th November 2008 13:23 GMT
In Judge says tech-addled jurors undermine justice
Okay a bit of an overstatement perhaps. I'm not from a country that uses a jury system. But I wonder myself: How well can a layman judge any case? Especially technical cases such as the aforementioned fraud. If a lawyer or witness or whatever is going to be throwing a lot of technical terms around and as the jury you're only allowed to listen.
Wouldn't that make a good spin-doctor a better attorney then an actual lawyer? Because a jury system to me, sounds like its more about manipulating these twelve unfortunate souls then about presenting factual evidence.
Posted Thursday 23rd October 2008 09:36 GMT
In NASA kids' compo: Name the inflatable moon habitat
When the first thing that came to mind was Habbo Hotel?
Posted Wednesday 22nd October 2008 23:02 GMT
In Dutch court convicts teens for stealing pixels
Can I go to the police and demand to be compensated for the damages done to my 'goods' the armor I need to repair, lost time etc.?
Posted Thursday 17th July 2008 15:37 GMT
In Clay minerals point to vast Martian lakes
They've done that already, years ago. All of those 'buildings' turned out to be natural rock formation. Like the stone face of mars, they seemed artifical due to a trick of the light and limited perspective.
Posted Thursday 26th June 2008 14:34 GMT
In Mars whacked by object bigger than Pluto
See what can happen when you don't use your hands-free set? Have a care!
Posted Thursday 26th June 2008 14:34 GMT
In Ohio table-shag man gets six months
What was he convicted for? Vandalism? I mean isn't it a man's own business anymore what he does with his furniture?
Posted Tuesday 24th June 2008 12:29 GMT
In CERN declares Large Hadron Collider perfectly safe
I'm not sure what will happen.
Thankfully I shall be eaten first.
Mine's the Hazard Suit with the Elder sign painted on.
Posted Wednesday 30th April 2008 08:46 GMT
In Whitehats tackle The Great Botnet Dilemma
I just can't see how killing Kraken is bad.
You've got an ethical 'dilemma' that says: We can help tens of thousands of people. But we'll be doing it without their permission. And whats worse. Most of these people won't even notice being helped!
The worst thing that can happen is that a small percentage of the users will suffer a crashed computer. Boo-hoo.
I say nail em! Send out that update and kill Kraken.
Posted Wednesday 23rd April 2008 20:55 GMT
In Seagate ships 1 billionth drive
Its always enjoyable to see how quickly the price of storage has dropped.
I recall reading an article that said that if the price of cars had dropped at the same rate as the price of a megabyte. We'd be buying Rolls-Royce for 3 euros.
Posted Thursday 17th April 2008 23:24 GMT
In This DVD will self-destruct in 48 hours
In response to: "So does this mean that I can put my DVD player inside a vacuum chamber and as long as I opened the pack inside the chamber it will never go bad?"
Your DVD might not go bad. But you would not fare as well in a vacuum.
*pop*
And now the sci-fi fan inside me is wondering, would a DVD player that plays in a vacuum overheat?
Posted Thursday 10th April 2008 11:52 GMT
In NASA gets intimate with Phobos
If it was gold I'd say its a remote-controlled Death Star made by the scammer aliens!
Posted Thursday 10th April 2008 11:24 GMT
In London store brews £50-a-poop cat-crap coffee
Rich people are disgusting! I for one am SO glad I don't like coffee!
Posted Friday 28th March 2008 02:49 GMT
In Dutch MP releases anti-Islam movie
I live in the same country. I can drive and find him. And shove that bloody film so far up his colon he can watch it just by blinking rapidly.
Posted Thursday 27th March 2008 13:06 GMT
In Transgender man prepares to give birth
Seriously, aside from the pronouns and the religious nutjobs, where's the problem with a woman who transgendered to a man to carry and give birth to a child? I'd call it good foresight that he kept his womb.
Granted if I was a doctor and this pair walked into my office I'd blink a few times and ask a lot of curious questions. But thats because I'm bloody curious.
Where's the IT angle though? :p
Posted Thursday 28th February 2008 17:26 GMT
In Malware removes rival rootkits
So hackers are now out of computers they can easily infect. Unsecured systems are now almost all incorporated into botnets. So if a hacker wants a (bigger) botnet. He has no choice but to steal it from another hacker.
Now we've got war, soon we will have diplomatic relations.
Posted Friday 8th February 2008 12:29 GMT
In US man threatens TV repairman with shotgun
Considering he has to *live* in that horrible place we associate with MS's latest fiasco of an OS.
I think this is Gates' fault.
Posted Tuesday 5th February 2008 15:48 GMT
In Healthy? You're a burden on the state
I will stop dieting at once! Bring on the fries and burgers!
On second thought, I think by the time I get Alzheimers I will opt for a suicide pill.
Posted Monday 21st January 2008 16:17 GMT
In Caffeine doubles miscarriage risk
Its kind of hard to put a percentage on things like that. The chance of a miscarriage is influence by a whole mesh of variables. Just saying it increases the overall chance by X percent is very difficult.
Paris Hilton icon because she probably has to drink a pot of coffee every morning for this exact reason.
Posted Monday 7th January 2008 14:33 GMT
In Oz drafts 'batter an orphaned roo' guidelines
I'm with Anonymous Coward on this one. Perhaps experts on these matters can enlighten me but wouldn't shooting a joey be a guaranteed immediate death for these critters? That sounds more humane then bashing their skulls to bits.
Posted Thursday 13th December 2007 10:41 GMT
In Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's
I'd like to with Terry Pratchett the best of luck.
His books often move something in my soul. And I hope there will be many more.
I wish I could think of some profound discworld quote to accompany this message. But Buggrit. I cant think of anything.
But, where's the IT angle?
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:06 GMT
In Korean cyber junkies march off to bootcamp
They should instead, force these people to go LARP-ing. Its outdoors, social and fun.
Posted Thursday 15th November 2007 09:34 GMT
In Holy pancake appears on eBay
I gotta get in on this market.
Already the bidding for this item has exceeded 330 dollars. And that for baking some flapjacks? Or finding a stone with a pattern?
Its gotta be bloody easy to fake all that holy (Less polite word for excrement).
Posted Friday 9th November 2007 18:46 GMT
In Christmas Doctor Who exhibition at UK Space Centre
I know its friday but I believe that they are called "weeping angels" Not screaming angels.
Posted Tuesday 6th November 2007 15:41 GMT
In 'PlayStation-deprived' teen admits part in plot to pop parents
"Sit down and play computer games."
This kid sounds seriously messed up. A contract killer because you're not allowed to play your console?
I'll bet he liked to play Hitman. Well now he can go and play sim-jail.
Posted Tuesday 23rd October 2007 15:48 GMT
In Fight malware by upgrading to Vista, urges MS
Yes Vista has better security then Linux!
Of course there's a smaller infestation of vista systems. With the majority of users still running XP its not smart for a developer to target vista vulnerablities.
Please go on, make me laugh some more
Posted Tuesday 16th October 2007 13:33 GMT
In Alien attack? Yes, we're ready for anything
If you can't even awnser a childs question properly...
What's the world coming to?
Posted Monday 15th October 2007 13:45 GMT
In Japanese diggers unearth dino skull
We won't have to go and watch it or pirate it.