speechless

...and not because I'm a terrorist... just because.

Can I just say...

that I always welcome great-busted chicks.

Yes, the dirty mac. Cheers.

Incorrect

"It might also be rather difficult to stop the process of building the SELF, once it had advanced beyond a certain point. Frankly the only way to be sure it can be stopped would seem to be to stop it now."

I say we take off, nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Oh, hang on, wrong film...

2,400 metres?!

Who on earth needs to make me throw up from nearly 2.5 kms away?!

Anyway, isn't this a bit similar to, for example, watching Jason (of 'and the argonauts' fame - remember that?) fight medusa?! Or, the ace 'Blink' episode of Dr Who?

@Bradman Farknilly

Depends how much you like your cars. I'd rather you think I'm a prick for taking two spaces than ding my car door with yours because the spaces are a bit tight...

Only a good deal...

... in the same way that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

@Frank

I served in the RAF, and there were indeed standing orders (a standing order is not much different to a law in laymans terms) that commiting adultery with a colleague's partner (even if you yourself are single) is a no-no. Can't remember what the punishment was though.

It's all about morale, at the end of the day. I do recall that when I was in the Falklands (not for the conflict), someone on another squadron there was flown the 8.5k miles home sharpish because his missus was having it away with one of his colleagues. For morale reasons, it was all kept very hush-hush.

Chopper, obviously.

Blimey...

The antipathy between permies and contractors is surprising. I used to be a contractor (and yes, I paid the tax hit), but by nature I can be a bit of a worrier about money, IR35, the next contract etc, as well as not being keen on working away from home any more (so reducing my versatility as a contractor), so it's better for me to be employed and get paid for holidays, sickness etc, particularly in the current economic climate. But jeez, guys, get over yourselves. You took your choice knowing the ins and outs of it, and even if you didn't you could always switch now if you're that jealous.

£9.2m over 5 years?!

So they collect enough annually to cover Michael Martin's pension?!

Bunch of jokers.

That machine...

...looks like something that Egon Spengler would store a class 4 fully-formed free-roaming ectoplasm in.

/nerd mode off

@jeffrey

Brilliant story!

Ugh

I like my new macbook, but I don't really like the sound of this.

<Tries to remember to add a bit of tape over the webcam to provide unauthorised activation - one thing going for Windows PCs was the fact that I never had a webcam>

Shock horror

Government report says that government could 'protect' us better with more invasive surveillance and the kind of pervasive systems that the spooks are after anyway.

In other news, the Pope was confirmed as a Catholic.

Profit and altruism are not ALWAYS mutually exclusive

Just because the seller made a profit does not automatically mean they were motivated just by greed. I'd have looked for a hefty payment in his shoes, but I was also VERY keen on this data becoming public for the right reasons. If the MPs have their way, this person will be pursued to the ends of the earth for doing it, so some cash to enable the covering of tracks, a bit of travelling etc is perfectly reasonable.

If their identity is uncovered, s/he should be given a knighthood anyway.

Brilliant...

Not only does he come up with a new display technology for which the concept is so simple that everyone else overlooked it, but just to rub it in, he wants to enable kids to make them in Chemistry lessons!

Cover my car & house in this stuff for predator-like camoflage...

Good friday story...

Just what I expect from the Reg.

Now, will you be forthcoming with a BOFH episode?

Wow

Imagine having a day at the office like that.

Nice!

Only some einstein-haired brainiac at Big Blue could conceive of this AND think a patent would be a good idea. Genius.

Pi(Beard + Sandals) = tank top

Roughnecks go!

Sounds like Starship Troopers, where's Denise Richards?! Sign me up.

This is only slightly more scientific than some of the Climate Change research I have seen. Well done.

Also, you want to be careful that this doesn't end up in national panic a la Daily Mail and swine flu.

Crazy

So they've got unpatched boxes connected to the web with easy admin passwords providing unfettered access to safety-critical kit, and they can still claim that Gary McKinnon is a cyberhacker-terrorist or whatever who's going down for 20 years? Sorry, but if they can't even take the time for basic due diligence or at least standard maintenance patching, then while a hacker is still breaking the law, these morons need to accept a large portion of the blame for unauthorised access incidents.

six degrees of separation...

...works for me, because they'll eventually end up blocking everything, which ought to make it blatantly obvious how unworkable the whole thing is.

Sorry...

...but if the subject of the private dick in question, had indeed kept his dick a bit more private, this wouldn't have happened!

Seriously though, ouch!

I doubt it was a great day at work for the secretary either...

"New category in App Store..."

So does this mean the new parental controls will allow pr0n on the iphone?!

Yay for stu reeves

Hear hear, there's nothing better than a good steak burger from the butcher, with some Brie, cherry tomatoes and posh onion marmalade on a good quality bread bun. Stick your macdonalds where the sun don't shine!

Re: Alze

Booooo

Playmobil fix needed!

Harumph

As much as I like my brand spanking new MacBook, I would have appreciated it being a little cheaper. Gits.

Best. Typo. Ever.

Assuming it is a typo. Isn't it?

Hello?

Hello?

...

I only read this for the headline...

..absolute genius!

playmobil, playmobil, playmobil!

Just do it already!

FOAD

That's all.

Speak English, boy!

Glad you included the el reg translations, because otherwise I wouldn't know what the hell they were on about. Could we control Wacki Jackboot Smith with it?

execute jackboot_cliffjump;

go

Jeez

I didn't follow this one too closely (I don't torrent my stuff), but this strikes me as such an obvious conflict of interest that the judge should be prosecuted for allowing all that time and private/public money to be spent on a trial which was fundamentally flawed. How could anyone possibly keep a straight face while denying a conflict of interest?

Why?

Why would a particular ISP sign up for the pilot? ISPs are aware that this stands to cost an arm and a leg, potentially impact performance and place the onus of responsibility for policing the web (as perceived by Aussies) squarely onto them. So to make a company sign up, surely either a. political pressure is applied to the company or directors, b. gov subsidies to pay for it, or c. the offer of the equivalent of a knighthood or whatever to the head sheds. If any of these is true, it needs to be completely open and transparent. I always imagined that Oz would be a nice place to emigrate to, but not if Wacqui Jackboot's doppelganger has any influence over there, as appears to be the case.

Wow

Except for the torn wotsits, he appears to have gotten rather a good deal out of it, with new jeans, food, a lay etc.

Although we don't know whether she was a minger...

Paris...but I'm sure that's wishful thinking.

Too little too late

...as I am currently just making a final decision about my Macbook spec. I got some real time with one over the weekend, and finally see what all the fanboys have been raving about. Hell, my techno-phobe missus made her mind up in about 30 seconds when she realised how ridiculously easy everything was. Bye-bye Ballmer.

Ooh yes

Cancel out:

Tyre rumble

Wind noise

That funny wind noise that cabbages your ears above about 50mph.

Leaving me with:

Normal engine noise

Nice whisper/whistle from the turbo

Normal exhaust note

That would sound awesome.

Bad

'Disturbing' doesn't even cover it...

Oh please...

This is getting ridiculous. The idea that I could be fined for charging my mobile while round at a friend's home, just because they don't watch TV, is absurd.

ROTM, of course!

Clearly, the newly self-aware Skynet detected the removal of part of it's distributed network (aka car radio), and used another part of it's network (the phone) to call the cops!

Where's the lizard army icon?

Oh FFS

So far I have managed to prevent the UK gov getting their grubby little mittens on my prints. However, I have been to the US, so they've got my prints from when I landed and wasn't a merkin. Does this now mean the UK gov will also have my prints?

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. That being the case, you can now post on the web a photograph of your 8-year-old, together with their name, school, time they walk home, route, and favourite sweets. No?

Lalalala we can't hear you

I wonder if the government will simply pretend to not have heard this one. You know, like they do when anyone, even a subject expert, says something they disagree with.

Coming full circle

What's the chances that Office for the iphone will probably offer 95% of the functionality you need, and actually be a better package for a lower price than grown-up Office with all it's crazy add-ons and even more crazy price?

That said, I can't help thinking they're hinting at this early to hinder sales of Quickoffice while they get their act together....