Posts by CT

Network?

It wasn’t a toke-n ring network was it?

Shirley?

You can’t be serious

Experts

The proposer: "I'm no expert on HR software, but I do know that manually copying and pasting from seven different Excel sheets, all laid out in different ways, is bound to go wrong one day."

No, I think that does qualify you as an expert.

45 degrees for a jolly jape

Oh the fun to be had when the graphic designer was away from their desk by turning a Radius Pivot to 45° and moving all the desktop icons to a jumble in the bottom corner as if they'd all slid down there.

Anthrax's cover version of Kylie Minogue's I Should Be So Lucky...

...featuring Leonard Cohen on the twanging ruler

Can't seem to find it on the tube of you. But I really want to.

IOL dot com

My partner eventually worked out why someone's email with the domain 'iol.com' wasn't getting through - he had given her the 'aol.com' address over the phone in his customary Brummie accent.

Zoom calls replacing other emissions?

Aren't a lot of these "covideo" calls effectively reducing transport emissions to/from the meeting place?

Boringly, winkel = shop in Dutch

and domein = domain obvs.

Macintosh 89 badge

Anyone else remember the "Windows 95 = Macintosh 89" badges given out at some Apple exhibition?

Batch file

After doing del *.* without changing to the A: drive once too often (i.e. once), we ended up writing a batch file 'dela.bat' with the required commands in it, and then training people to use that to wipe a floppy/stiffie. As a bonus, it was easier to type than the series of commands previously used, so not too difficult to get people to use the batch file instead.

Right Said Fred

Have to take the doors off

Need more space to shift the so-and-so

11th October!

They've just sent me an email about this, on 11th October!

Those turncoat foxes...

"Now all Ford needs to do is identify a way to stop foxes defecting in your garden"

Visions of Red Communist foxes being denied asylum by Ford?

F*** 6G we're going straight to 7G

Reminds me of The Onion's spoof of the razor blade arms race

Bent coat-hanger and curtain wire

I think I've still got my official cable-running kit of bent coat-hanger and curtain wire somewhere. Budget would never run to a trained ferret.

Not just in Florida...

...but with an annoying frequency, WW1/WW2 souvenir hunters bringing old ordnance into the Paris Eurostar terminal and consequently shutting everything down for a few hours when they go through security.

My keyboard's jammed

User: "My keyboard's jammed, can you take a look"

Me: "Have you been eating doughnuts again?"

Yes, it was literally (raspberry) jammed, with the jam causing the keys to stick in the down position.

Super write-up on the Mac Mini - when I did mine, I looked inside, cross-referred to the ifixit page, then ran away and installed the SSD externally via a FireWire case. Worked a treat. Super-fast now.

See also Les Barker's "Hard Cheese of Old England" for more puns, e.g.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x59VnlXINbE

waist-high jungle to save 100m

Thanks to google maps for taking me up a steep path which started OK, but then turned into waist-high wet grass and no lighting. I'd have turned back, but I didn't want to lose the height and then have to climb again with a heavy rucksack. Wrong decision = wet trousers.

In the morning, I saw that it had saved me all of 100 metres or so, bypassing a perfectly walkable minor road.

Austria, since you asked. I'd have used the OS if it was the UK

Typo alert... or is it?

"...stand in line to prey at the altar of dreams..."

Hmm, perhaps I prefer the original

Seat reservations in bike compartment

SNCF kindly reserved us coach 12, seats 11 and 13, on the intercity train to Boulogne (don't ask). Unfortunately, the numbering in coach 12 started at 21 and went upwards, as the first compartment (presumably with seats numbered 11 upwards) had had all the seats removed to be converted to a bike compartment.

As my other half suffers from saddle soreness at the slightest mention of a bike ride, we picked some random empty seats in the next coach, expecting an interesting conversation with the inspector.

Neither sight nor sound of the inspector for the 1h30 journey, and we could have had a free ride in first class.

We picked the print-at-home option, with two A4 sheets giving a nice large barcode, rather than the app.

The actual Hull-based range of OMG! products here:

https://www.cpd-direct.co.uk/?i=Search+Results&s=omg

On the other hand...

There are about half a dozen people absolutely ecstatic that

"Intonation marks for Lithuanian dialectology"

have finally been implemented, and they no longer have to take a biro to printouts and re-scan the results from a photo taken on a wooden table.

Saracen and Roland - not surprised at the blank faces, too obscure even for me, and I had a grammar school education with real O-levels AND I remember white dog turds, jumpers for goal posts blah blah

Eyebrows

My other half swears I've got magic eyebrows - walk over, frown at the problem and it goes away.

Same here, home-based user using it for daily partial backups of current work to local removable drive, no cloud involved.

Bit annoying, as I only migrated to it a month ago.

Never mind all that - can we have an AI that converts emojis into proper text? There's just too many now and I don't really want to have to learn yet another language at my age.

Cows/Cowes, IOW?

What's brown and comes out of Cowes backwards?

The Isle of Wight ferry.

And, showing my age a bit,

If Isla St Clair married Barry White, then divorced and remarried Brian Ferry, would she be called Isla White-Ferry?

Pivot 45 degrees

Still more pivot pranks - pivot the screen itself to 45° and move all the desktop icons to a heap in what is now the bottom corner.

There are still steel mills in Rotherham

see title

I was sent to Estonia in order to fix a font-related problem. Failed to fix it on the spot, but had a lightbulb moment that resulted in days of rework.