Satire is Dead

And Irony!

Forked Tongues!

Why is El Reg labelling paying GIffGaff customers Freetards?

Failing to understand the meaning of the word unlimited is no excuse for GiffGaff or the author of this article!!

You calll that a Gamma Ray Stupendo-Explosion DEATHMATCH?

Don't make me angry.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry......

Pleeeaase!!!

Playmobil erection or it didn't happen!

Deadeye Dick!

Sing along now - "She don't eat meat but she sure like the bone"

Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Having bought one from the US and paid the exorbitant shipping charges because there was no reports on El Reg about UK price cuts, El Reg finally really did it. You maniacs! You posted this today! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Global Warming is a much bigger problem

than the noise from these giant fans that we have to run in order to keep cool!

No Use in Crying Over Spilt Milk!

The important question is not how the Universe started but what to do as the final curtain is about to come down.

Do the evolved beings around at that time side with Hawkings and simply accept that they cannot meddle in the affairs of the physics god and the fate of future universes is left hanging on random events and pure chance.

Or do they rebel and seek to recreate the universe in the image of the existing one so it too is as optimized for life as the current one once was.

Please note the evolved beings referred to in this post are not supernatural beings but are based on existing life forms and extrapolations of technological development over the intervening millennia.

Bargain at half the price

Should really have cost him an arm and a leg!

Cobol Like No Other!

In the early 1980's the Cobol environment I used, had a Data Dictionary System which held all data definitions in common, including screen interfaces with company standard defined validation rules which were all checked for in Cobol by the Validate verb so you only had to do was add in the logic,

Send Vulture 1!

A lot of people would probably pay good money to see PARIS mooning!

Objective Testing Please

What happened to the "which phone makes you most attractive to the opposite sex" test?

What happens when...

the children of these immigrants who settle here want jobs?

Does this meant that.........

in the future the toilet will be as paperless as the office?

WTF is happening?

Jokes about Paris! Boa Constrictors Virgin Births (http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2010/11/boa-constrictors-born-by-virgi.html)!!!

Just what have you done??

I for one...

welcome this new os called Galapag

Paris Angle?

Wot no mention of Paris? Where is the schedule for the Paper Aircraft Released Into Space project?

I for one...

welcome our free wi-fi, summer holiday loving bustard overlords!

Microsoft?

A better iPod than Apple? Just think of the fun they could have with a BSOD people carrier system!

Probably just some 'armless fun..

He was probably just wanting to tell someone - look no hands!

Knobs bigger than the Yanks!

If the Americans are only 1 TeV and ours is 7TeV surely our knobs are bigger than the yanks!

And just to stop them from catching up, ours should go up to 11!

Paris for obvious reasons..........

@Man Outraged

But it might be a Quantum drive so that when you open the box, all you find inside is a dead cat!

Live Coverage

There has to be live coverage of the event. There'll probably be lots of wannabe Dan Dare's who will want follow the whole mission with their joysticks, starting from the moment Paris mounts El Shag's mighty erection (the launch tower), to when El Shag starts rising and thrusting upwards until mission climax nears and Vulture Control announces to the world that Paris has cleared El Shag for re-entry, at which point it all begins to deflates and El Shag returns back to earth.

@Cheese Fan

So far the only recession proof business is the Pizza industry. If Britain can develop a space based delivery system whereby the pizza is cooked to perfection by the heat of re-entry and targetted to the recipients address via GPS co-ordinates launched from a helium balloon, just think of the carbon footprint reduction. No only would Britain save the planet from global warming, melting ice-caps etc but we would also have enough money from selling pizzas to build a Skylon Spaceplane! How could we possibly aim higher than that?