Posts by Ebaneezer Wanktrollop

Grasshopper? Surely.....

Chuck Norris mouse?

The end of an era

At the age of 15 I was a wizard in DOS. GEM and WIndows 3 tried to lure me to the dark, windowed side but who needed all that 51/4" disk swapping when it accomplished nothing but wasting my time - my .bat files could do in 2 seconds what would take a day in a windowed environment.

And that was the beginning - a few trips on the way up and in between but along came XP and Windows 7 (XP but with a hint of arsing about added) and now 8.1 which in my humble opinion is the biggest pile of shite ever to come from the USA (notwithstanding that Cyrrus tart but she's probably built for touch also)

I never thought I'd ever do this but yesterday I bought an iMac - been installing them for years and just generally impressed with the quality. My PC will remain reformatted every week or so with Linux and server distro's for my endless tinkering but Ladies & Gentlemen, in my life at least, Microsoft has left the building.

Complete bollocks

"If you know any web admins ask them what the percentage of mobile web browsers that access their sites are you will be surprised Android sales are not reflected in web traffic, why because android marketing men are spinning the figures."

The first thing most Android users do is change the User Agent string on their browser to IE7 / Safari so to stop automatically getting shitty mobile sites on their screen which is usually big enough to accommodate a normal 'desktop' website.

On Apple ishite of course you cannot change the user agent hence their disproportionate lead in web server stats.

Duh!

C'mon people. This is the most obvious hoax I have ever laid eyes on. Look at the nameservers, the WHOIS etc. etc. This is no more SOCA than it is UNCLE.

The licensing plans will be cool !

So Skype will be free provided you have it pre-installed on a new PC. You'll be entitled to a certain amount of words per hour on the 'Home' version over which you will have to subscribe to the 'Sentence Subscription Assurance' plan which will allow you talk a little longer but without intrusive voice ads from Go Compare.

Business users of course will have per user licencing, policed by voice recognition technology and tied to being able to talk only in the area you were when you purchased your subscription. Outside of that area another licence will have to be purchased for each square foot you enter plus a Client Calling Licence for each new caller you contact using the service.

I believe Skype, in time, will be renamed Wank.

Stereotyped me thinks

So ex-forces according to Kelly is ex-army ,beefy and good for nothing but labouring?

I think you should get out of your cosy office in rat-raced London and 'experience' life yourself girl.

What get's me is....

Geothermal energy isn't on this list. You know, drill a big hole in the ground so deep that the natural warmth of the earth heats up water which gives you energy for free. It can't be that expensive to be done on an industrial scale, has almost zero emissions and will never run out - but nope, we still pollute our seas with those useless wind turbines.

Gizza job!

I'm an IT Project Manager, plus I have 13 years of Royal Navy time in submarines and Air Traffic Control under my belt - will never get a job on the MoD project team purely because I know what I'm doing.

Sold Upholder class SSK's? No

Upgraded Nimrod? Never

Procured Typhoon over US offers - you're having a giraffe

There, saved billions already. But alas my pockets are not lined with corporate backhanders.

Sued? Nah

Groupon has just gone on a $950m spending spree after another investor whip round, so their pockets are not deep but decidedly turned inside out when compared to Google's mega slushfund.

After hearing this news do you think there will be any more investment in Groupon? Nope.

Just surprised Google offered so much for it in the first place - if they pulled all the programmers off their open source projects they could probably duplicate it in a weekend.

Arse!

My 3G post upgrade is a pig. Freezes, crashes during phonecalls, menu's take an age to open and close - everything is in slowmo. It's a brick in most respects. Probably a ruse to get you to upgrade to the iPhone 4 - no thanks.

I had the error -34

On an 8Gb 3G I had the error this morning. Not to worry, I followed it up with Redsn0ws jailbreak using a downloaded IOS4 and it is now working wonderfully - and I have multi-tasking to boot!

Geeks!

Not one comment about the post's cover girl's jubblies? What has the IT world come to!!!!!

What next - an iBreathe App???

So whats up with just launching the iPhones web browser and typing in 'tits'? Or are fanbois incapable of doing anything unless there's an App for it?

Look like XP to me

Regardless, whatever the iPad lacks and the iTablet has the main difference is the OS. For the market this is designed for - iTablet fails.

I think Apple knew the potential market for their iPad but couldn't call their miracle baby a grannyPad - patent attorneys from incontinence item makers would have descended upon them with uproar

Make an adapter then!

You know, like an SD sized adapter that MicroSD cards fit into - just with SIM cards? So you can swap it from your phone to your iPad and back with ease.

Royalties to me please.

My physics must be rubbish

I was under the impression that if that fighter het were to unleash it's cannon at supersonic speed - the shells would end up in its arse rather than firing out at standard velocity + airplane speed???

Ah well, school was a long time ago.