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* Posts by ukgnome

1118 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

ukgnome
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You see, that's what I like about El Reg - it may be an embittered meany at times, but Lester's comment shows that underneath the vultures feathers beats a heart of fluffy loveliness.

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David Cameron defends BT's taxpayer-funded broadband 'monopoly': It's a 'success story'

ukgnome
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Maybe I am the only one......but

Other companies had a chance to bid.

Other companies decided not to.

BT became pretty much sole supplier.

Therefore it must be BT's fault.

Hmm - dammed if they do, dammed if they don't.

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

ukgnome
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Grand Theft Tesco

see title

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Original iPhone dev team was 'shockingly small' - Apple engineer

ukgnome
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Pint

mirrors the endless discussion of Max Clifford's penis

I salute you, I raise a glass to you, and I will even buy you a pint.

I don't know if it adds to the story, but every time I see that man I laugh and laugh and laugh

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

ukgnome
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Alien

Re: We want Manga.

If they go down that route, then what is to stop the Cronos corporation starts pumping out hyper-zoanoids?

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As WinXP death looms, Microsoft releases its operating system SOURCE CODE for free

ukgnome
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Pen and paper - word processing for blondes

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Three's money man reveals UK mobe firms' DARK PRICING dealings

ukgnome
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Seems to me that Three are just doing some willy waving for free headlines....oh look it has worked.

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GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

ukgnome
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Massive Cock

is presumably what the male chickenosaurus is called.

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Crap flap-app flap chap yaps: Yes, FLAPPY BIRD is comin' back

ukgnome
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@shades

There is this thing right that most call the internet but the part we use is called the world wide web. Its incredibly useful as its full of all kinds of stuff and things. Lets call some of the stuff and things information. Are you following me so far Shades?

Good, now one of the useful things about this is the ability to search for facts. And one of these facts that you can search is how Nintendo feel about some of the similarity of the flappy birds backgrounds.

Thank you xx

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Kent Police fined £100k for leaving interview vids of informants in old cop shop

ukgnome
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is it criminal watching criminals?

The business owner confirmed that he had found the tapes in the basement of the old police station, after purchasing the site two months before, and was planning on watching them for entertainment.

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Xenon: Bitmap Brothers' (mega)blast from the past

ukgnome
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Thumb Up

I'm all warm and fuzzy

Thanks El Reg, antique code show always makes me feel all chipper and squidgy inside.

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Is Apple about unleash a cheaper 8GB iPhone 5C? O2 'leak' suggests: Yes

ukgnome
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8GB

That won't cut the mustard I'm afraid. once the OS is loaded on you won't have much wiggle room for apps.

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Wackadoo DIYers scissor-kick beatboxer

ukgnome
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Regarding shock invective beginning with "cu-"

Ok I was curious, and now one of them CU types wants to expel me from the building. Of well, the pubs open so I might as well get cu*ted.

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Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

ukgnome
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I find that nappies

soak up the blood incredibly well.....anyone? Nope? just me then!

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Bill Gates-backed SOLAR POO RAYGUN COMMODE unveiled

ukgnome
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Can these be installed in volcano lairs?

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Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

ukgnome
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@Lester

You don't believe in magic?

Then how do you explain the mystical properties of Psychic Sally?

*the one with ....i'm seeing an old man beginning with S or it might be P and he's in my pocket!

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Fanbois SQUEAL as DNS snafu knocks out iTunes website

ukgnome
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Suggested title

Fanbois squeal at apple crumble

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

ukgnome
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and for the yoof

UK's TBL 25YO WWW 2DAY

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Apple iOS 8 'will put end' to crap map app rap flap misery

ukgnome
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Facepalm

Re: Will it understand buses?

except that Google includes buses and underground and tram. So what was that you was saying *

*just check routes options

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We all owe our EXISTENCE to lovely VOLCANOES, say boffins

ukgnome
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Wow

Decepticon island.....that's gonna be so sweet with it's robots and stuff.

*the one with the ripped dictionary in the pocket

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Heroic Playmonaut wowed by LOHAN's bulging package

ukgnome
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And as a Brit...

I'm glad he's not riding in the shotgun seat.

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

ukgnome
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Maplins is crack to tech whores

I want to call you Mr Dabbs, by every expletive I know! And what should prompt such a reaction, well duh!

You see it's Friday, and on Fridays I am more open to suggestion. So before even commenting I found myself browsing on the maplins website and immediately thinking about this....L68BH

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

ukgnome
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OK lets remove the emotion from the argument and take another look, but this time factoring the data protection act.

In that instance Apple are in the right, they have a process in place that is protecting the date at their reputation.

However, I am not a cold hard logic machine (that's my wife) and therefore they are been bastards on this occasion.

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Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

ukgnome
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Well done El Reg

but your user base isn't just within the ring of doom. So if you could just email me the pint instead please.

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Brit Bitcoin dev: I lost 'over £200k' when MtGox popped its socks

ukgnome
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"Or maybe I should call sue Microsoft because my pirated version of office is full of malware?"

That's not malware, that's how it's meant to run.

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Got 4G? Wake up, grandad. We're doing 4.5G LTE-A in London - EE chief

ukgnome
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Whilst I do a happy dance when my phone tells me its on 4G its mainly because where I actually live I don't actually get 2G. Now you may say that's because I live in a quaint village on the Norfolk broads, and that is true. But seriously it's 2014, and about time EE realised that the country isn't surrounded by the M25.

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BT demands end to Ofcom wholesale broadband subsidies for BSkyB, TalkTalk

ukgnome
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LLU?

Not in my village, if I use sky then I'm actually a BT connect customer and that means I get a 40GB download limit and traffic management, compared to the same service from BT which is unlimited and unmanaged.

So meh!

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But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

ukgnome
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But Mr Dabbs

We may not be cash rich, but surely we are all warm friendly glowy types.

oh soddit I want the money!

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

ukgnome
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I think that.....

El Reg should have a beard competition!

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ukgnome
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You sir get an upvote.

Although I am getting my hobo look sorted today - bring back the goatee!

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

ukgnome
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No Bull Riding?

that's a deal breaker......pass

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Fine, you can mock us: NSA spies back down in T-shirt ridicule brouhaha

ukgnome
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Facepalm

a crime to mutilate or alter the seal of any department or agency of the United States

It is also a crime to use the seal without permission, and getting permission is an incredible feat. One that I failed on. As I had applied retrospectively to use the seal on an intranet site the following thing happened.

1. I received a stern email saying no.

2. I received a very stern letter saying no.

3. I received a phone call from the FBI stating that I had perpetrated a federal crime and that if I didn't desist then they would attempt extradition.

All I wanted to do is hot link using the seal as a click button so that employees in America could see health and safety information.

Can you imagine the HSE taking such action in the UK?

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SMELT YOU LATER: Apple announces conflict-free status

ukgnome
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So is this the end for.....

fairphone?

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Woz he talking about? Apple co-founder wants iPhones to run Android

ukgnome
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@detritus

Hahahaha jokes on you - I am ginger!

although I do prefer to be called south african sunset.

And before you get your panties in a bunch, gingers don't have souls.

but you get an upvote for calling me big guy :-)

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ukgnome
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I own both, a sammy and an iPhone, and If you put iOS on the sammy then maybe it would be OK.

But putting android on an iPhone would be like putting a "Kick Me" sign on a ginger kid, fun for a few mins and then just wrong!

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Baby's got the bends: LG's D958 G Flex Android smartie

ukgnome
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How can we make people part with their cash? I know make it curvy......it didn't work in the 50's and it wont work now.

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Japanese quantum boffins 'may have the key to TELEPORTATION'

ukgnome
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Pint

I have read the dumbed down version and the super dumbed down version as well as the version that has been aimed at the totally clever but have no friends people....

And I still only have a very very basic understanding of the concept.

*****I probably need to add ------------------------------>

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

ukgnome
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Trollface

Is it still Trolling

If you mean every single word of it?

***Yes, I am trolling ------->

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

ukgnome
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Re: fish museum - @Captain Hogwash

That would be the National Fishing Heritage Centre in Grimsby

My job there was in the futuristic exhibition loosely based around fish called "the posiedon experiment", it involved artefacts having their memory read by the organic super computer known as the organism. It culminated in a motion cinema experience which explored the memory of a long dead fisherman.

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ukgnome
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Whilst I want Bletchley to keep going

I do understand the cost to keep it open, even with volunteers......But this is wrong, I actually used to work as an actor in a fish museum (year I know right) but the thing that amazed me about that role was summed up in this article, and seemingly I think it applies to any niche historical museum.

"namely a British quirkiness arising from an extensive range of exhibits manned by volunteers who knew their stuff and were happy to share it."

This was the case when I visited Bletchley the first time, I had an hour long conversation about valves and how they work. The chap also gave me an up close tour of the machine room because I had an enthusiasm that he liked. What actor would do that?

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Android VPN redirect vuln now spotted lurking in Kitkat 4.4

ukgnome
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Have a Break.......

have a chip cracked

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

ukgnome
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Joke

Lexmark have one of these on the market for £250 with enough ink to print a keyring.

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UK.gov to Google: Kill impostor taxmen ADs hogging top spot in YOUR search results

ukgnome
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Re: Bing

They should, as it returns relevant searches without the con sites

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Apple’s Mac turns 30: How Steve Jobs’ baby took its first steps

ukgnome
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Trollface

Doesn't the OS look just like windows?

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Alcatel-Lucent and BT unveil super fat pipe, splurt out 1.4Tb per second across London

ukgnome
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Joke

Re: 410km? WTF?

It says the cable length is 410km

This is typical of BT, they followed an as the buzby flies method of cable deployment.

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

ukgnome
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Excuse me

You cant trademark a word that has been around for donkeys years.

What will I ask for when I buy by cough candy?

Who was the bertie bassetesque robot in Dr Who, The happiness patrol?

And, won't this confuse people that want to buy a large load washing machine?

Actually the last one is quite a valid point (not that the other two are not), but Candy appliances are already prevalent throughout Europe.

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Brit boffin tests LETTUCE as wire for future computers

ukgnome
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This needs investment

How long until we can eat the computer to prevent the feds from getting our data?

*the one with the light dressing in the pocket

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Pregnant? Celebrate your proudest moment ... by 3D-printing a copy of the foetus

ukgnome
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I was just chatting to Mrs Gnome about this the other week, as I could see this happening.

Her reply was essentially - I have just vomited in my mouth.

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Hadron Collider urinal cake tale wins El Reg's LHC book giveaway

ukgnome
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A begrudging congratulations from Collider Man

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Your squirty insecticides make bumblebees SHRINK, warn boffins

ukgnome
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Re: OY You lot, over here.

It will attract my comment...

Frankly without the bees we might as well take ourselves out into the pastures and blow our bloody brains out. It's time to give these happy insects a helping hand.

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Page:

Opinion

Chris Mellor

Drives nails forged with Red Hat iron into VCE's coffin
Sleep Cycle iOS app screenshot

Trevor Pott

Forget big-spending globo biz: it's about the consumer... and he's desperate for a nap
Steve Bennet, ex-Symantec CEO

Chris Mellor

Enormo security firm needs to get serious about acquisitions

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Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella
Redmond needs to discover the mathematics of trust