* Posts by ukgnome

2085 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Essex cop abused police IT systems to snoop on his in-laws

ukgnome
Coat

Shouldn't he of been looking for outlaws?

LOHAN sponsor knocks up nifty iMac fish tank

ukgnome

pretty

I wonder if Carlos the Boss would let me have one.

Also have you considered asking Red Bull to lend a hand with the twazzocks that control the skies? They seem to get their way.

Brit firm unleashes drone-busting net cannon

ukgnome

So it's basically a spud cannon.

Time to get some downpipe and a can of hairspray and head down the park.

EMC: Make like the Doctor's Tardis and virtualise telecoms

ukgnome

Only the Doctors TARDIS or will any timelord time capsule do?

Does it have to be a type 40 Mk3?

No tit for tat, or should that be tat for tit ... Women selling stuff on eBay get lower bids

ukgnome

Re: Please explain to me

Well the explanation was in the article, you do read the article right, or are you just a clicker?

To demonstrate the claim, the two researchers conducted a pair of experiments, the first demonstrating that users can positively identify the gender of a seller based on factors including the types of goods sold and user names, about 56 per cent of the time, while being unable to make a determination 35 per cent of the time and wrong just 9 per cent.

Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

ukgnome

erm hello he was watching a married couple - so I think you will find that's Mrs Conduct!

Plane food sees pilot grounded by explosive undercarriage

ukgnome

It can't be easy landing a 747 with a runny jobby in your undercrackers

Helpdesk? I have a software problem. And a GRIZZLY BEAR problem

ukgnome

Re: Bears vs. alligators+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

well when I did on-call at a chemical factory I had seagulls of every size to contend with. I would rather bears or crocodiles.

Feds look left and right for support – and see everyone backing Apple

ukgnome

Re: Let's help you out then :)

If the government said it is now the law to keep a downstairs window open just in case they couldn't get into your house then I am sure you would jump down pretty quick off that fence.

If all you stored on your phone was dick pics and mates numbers then fine, brute crack the life out of it, but it's probably harbouring more data than your laptop.

Now as I understand things, this device was a work device, so maybe as a compromise all work phones should be crackable. What's that feds? you don't want anyone cracking your work phones? cake and eat it springs to mind, and no you can't have the cake.

'Hobbit' heads aren't human says bone boffin

ukgnome

Re: I don't want to imply it's Aliens

Ancient Aliens?

Ofcom must tackle 'monopolistic' provider BT, says shadow digital minister Chi Onwurah

ukgnome

Re: Competition is great...

I totally agree, but where is the value, sorry I mean profit?

My sub-exchange caters for 500 homes. If they upgraded the kit when would they see a return on the investment. Likewise why would another provider ask for some rack space when they are unlikely to see a return in any time soon.

Firemen free chap's todger from four-ring chokehold

ukgnome

Re: Oh well, in that case:

http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Cock-Richard-Herring/dp/1560256087

Silent Nork satellite tumbling in orbit

ukgnome

That's my point - if you have them and you don't use them then they are of no use. Better to get rid and save a truck load of cash.

ukgnome

That's the thing about nukes - if you have them then you might as well use them. Now I think we all agree that would be a dick move, but at least they didn't have this cash resource doing nothing. Nukes are expensive ornaments. Upon detecting the North Korean nuke the bigger dick move would be to retaliate. As retaliation means everyone is fucked.

What took you so long, Twitter? Micro blogging site takes on the trolls

ukgnome

IT Professionals are Dead

Thank fuck I am an amateur then - seriously can someone get that guys IP address and send him some meds.

hashtag winkyface

Ready for a nostalgia kick? Usborne has put its old computer books on the web for free

ukgnome

syntax error

pass me my emulator and a large glass of milk, for tonight I receive a syntax error from my childhood!

Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

ukgnome

Pagan ceremony is no good when tackling browser issues, what you need is dark magic.

Mystery hacker hijacks Dridex Trojan botnet... to serve antivirus installer

ukgnome

Re: Bah!

but Trump wants Bill Gates to close parts of the internet.....you cannot avoid the Trump!

Did you know ... Stephen Fry has founded a tech startup?

ukgnome

Owl or Sky?

I love that SF likes tech and enthuses.

I love that he's a wit, and a lot of fun.

But for crying out loud it seems like someone should assist with his portfolio.

*that is not an offer BTW merley an observation

Google ninjas go public with security holes in Malwarebytes antivirus

ukgnome

@jason 7 : Scanning it will not execute anything.

When I had my small business I used to do all that and frankly what a massive waste of time. I am sure you have a lot of success. I am also sure you have a lot of repeat customers. The fact that you are unaware of how viruses propagate is worrying. MBR viruses have been around for a while and I am doubtful that you are paying heed to them correctly. MBR and VBR can and do still propagate through sloppy techniques such as the one you describe, I hope your BIOS is up to date. You allude to using a sandboxed machine for your wiping activities - I am keen to know how you get your virus definitions updated. You must spend so much time rebuilding that particular device. The only way to be sure is a rebuild and education thereafter. Even though corporations have enterprise anti-virus and a workforce of drones you wouldn't expect them to be happy with an anti-virus removal. Peoples data is worth so much, be it corporations or private individual, and you would be well to remember that. A better solution for you would be to back up the customer data onto your sandbox machine (then scanned) and then a rebuild of the customers device. Not only could you charge a little extra, but your customers would appreciate this extra level of precaution.

ukgnome

sigh - the idea of an AV is to prevent an infection.

There is a difference between an Anti-Virus and a Malware scan and removal tool.

No one has suggested that the Malware scan and removal is at risk, and everyone agrees that this is quite good. As for viruses....well, if you have one then your AV is poor, popping out the drive into a clean machine and running through several different scans is one of the single dumbest things. The only safe way to deal with that infected machine is a clean install.

Why would you risk another machine by mounting the infected drive in it? Think about it, now think really really hard.

BT blames 'faulty router' for mega outage. Did they try turning it off and on again?

ukgnome

Faulty Router?

Faulty excuse - like everyone has said, when you have a SPOF you have a problem. As for openreach, it's not totally their fault. Take my sub-exchange for instance, it serves 500 houses. That's not many, but most of them are close enough to connect directly to it. There isn't space for the roadside furniture to sit. So what often happens is that openreach cable up the exchange and then find themselves in the predicament of not having a cabinet to fibre up. It would be prohibitive to fibre to the premises so they need another solution.

BT broadband is down: Former state monopoly goes TITSUP UK-wide

ukgnome
Mushroom

Also Virgin-Media are having a few niggles.....it's ISIS isn't it!

Danish Sith Lord fined in Galactic Republic rumpus

ukgnome

sloppy reporting!

who won? What is the size of the galactic republic, when does it get added to the units of measurement.

I DEMAND TO KNOW!

El Reg nips down to the Hewlett You Inn?

ukgnome

I genuinely laugh....and it's monday!

Admiring your parcel technique. It left me feeling fulfilled.

BT airs out new business structure as it digests EE

ukgnome

Does this mean an improved coverage in some of those awkward parts of the country - namely most of it?

Original USS Enterprise model set to boldly go… on display

ukgnome

I could never understand having the nacelles on pylons. It looks like it gives the ship a bigger target for stray torpedo. Something like the USS reliant just made more sense.

SpaceX breaks capsule 'chute world record

ukgnome

If only we could construct a reusable vehicle that could glide in the Earthen atmosphere. It could be used to shuttle astronauts back and forth.

If Only.....

If we did I would name it the Space BusPlane

BT scoops £100m network provision deal from the BBC

ukgnome

Re: Couldn't be worse

Ahh that's a simple mistake to make, you thought it was BT that was providing the service but in fact it turned out to be BT, if they hadn't of succeeded then in all likelihood it would of been BT but not that BT the other BT. As it turned out it was BT that got the job.

'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

ukgnome

Are they still called printers if they don't print?

Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

ukgnome

NO! I was running through puns, but for the sake of forum entries NO!

Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

ukgnome

Re: Slight error in article...

+1 sir, as you beat me to it!

Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

ukgnome

Re: Injected with Water?

Speaking as a vegetarian

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EATING?

Like everyone else has mentioned - you must be eating the cheapest crappiest bacon ever.

If a vege can point this out, then you have issues dude!

ukgnome

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

'Merkins discombobulated by Brown Sauce perhaps?

Oh heck no, you can buy the glorious HP in the hallowed walmartian stores

Afraid of getting your iThing pwned? Get yourself iOS 9.2.1

ukgnome

Re: Apple Updates

Which is why I have made a note to re-read this article next week and thus maintain the status quo

LOHAN takes the stage at Oz Linux shindig

ukgnome

Does it have to be those rocket motors?

Surely you can adapt, it's been quite a long while now.

Some of us invested in the kickstarter have lost enthusiasm.

If this was my workplace the project would of been scrapped.

Trump's new thought bubble: Make Apple manufacture in the USA

ukgnome
Joke

Does this mean we can get Trump out of Scotland?

Shouldn't be difficult, them neeps get me windy

Spoilsport scientists unstick Spider-Man

ukgnome

Wellllll

For a start he doesn't use gecko sticky pads - rather a type of barbed hair follicle and a form of electromagnetism. This is why Elektro could disrupt the wall crawling ability. Although, if Spider-Man ever stood next to Donald J Trump then can you imagine how much he would frizz that piss coloured foppish hair?

Also, super heroes often exert powers that are difficult to replicate because.....fiction!

You've heard of Rollercoaster Tycoon – but we can't wait for Server Tycoon

ukgnome
Childcatcher

Because

The kids aren't angry enough

Comet halo theory for flickering 'alien megastructure' star fails

ukgnome

It is just as likely

That the shimmer is a result on the JMC mining ship passing past

AKA the small rouge one

El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

ukgnome

Drone on

What about aerial bot's?

Russian Pastafarian wins right to bear colander

ukgnome

Re: That's not a collander, it's just a hat.

I happen to know from other news sauces that he does have a yellow colander that he wears as his normal head gear. But it's cold in Russia so he has a hat for his hat.

Watchdog says yes to BT's EE takeover deal. Shrugs. No 'significant' harm in it

ukgnome

Seems that customer service

Just got worse

Optimus Prime goes under the hammer

ukgnome

That is not Optimus Prime!

Brit cuffed for Kyrgyz 'horse penis' sausage quip

ukgnome

To be certain this isn't racism I would need to see a horses penis.

The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

ukgnome

Dear El Reg - adolescence should not be muted.

Free Wi-Fi for the NHS, promises health secretary Jeremy Hunt

ukgnome
Big Brother

This is how they start the thought control experiments.

ukgnome

Re: Your just a complainer who jumps to their keyboard

Oh dear dear patrick_bateman where or where to begin with your diatribe.

I feel a few people may judge you harshly, and I am indeed one of them. You come across as 'one of those complainers that jumps to their keyboard' ready to spew forth your crap.

You are a keyboard warrior that whilst seemingly presenting facts has managed not only to contradict themselves but also has become the person you wanted to have a go at. A free service is seldom free, and I am sure that you feel you have a valid point. But your analogy is at least as dumb as a shed full hammers. Any system that asks you to register, even with fake info is doing it for a reason. The paranoid among us will decry this is so they can track us.

Clearly you are not technically minded, but that's OK because in these times you can simply turn to the fifteen year old sat next to you in A&E who happens to be watching porn and he will explain this all to you in a series of grunts that only a true ID ten T could understand.

EE recalls all 'Power Bar' USB batteries due to 'fire safety risk'

ukgnome

Shocking

EE Power Bar recall: Telco will waive £5 fee for laggards

ukgnome

The EE power bar was one of the worst tasting nutrition supplements I have ever had.