* Posts by ukgnome

2085 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Your connection is not Brexit... we mean private: UK Tory party lets security cert expire

ukgnome
Trollface

This wouldn't happen if Mensch was still on the team, although I would of thought Shapps would advise. Or does he only edit the wiki.

Parliamentary 'puters made 30k tries to procure pr0nz last year

ukgnome

It isn't all that serious

If you allow personal devices on the network then occasionally you are going to get a few hits on porn hub, all it takes is someone not closing their browsing tab.

Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner

ukgnome

he will have to make do with PR 1CK

Captain Morgan told off for Snapchat lens: That grog be aimed at kiddies

ukgnome

I have never made my alcohol choices based on what a filter can make me look like.

EEk! Mobe network's customer services down for more than 24 hours

ukgnome

<Smug Mode Activated>

I never thought i'd say this, but since I switched from EE to Vodafone I have had no problems whatsoever.

Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

ukgnome

so many Star Wars quotes

"sorry about the mess"

"you came in that thing?, You're braver than I thought"

"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside"

"Theres an awful lot of moisture in here"

"Rise my friend"

"into the garbage shoot fly boy"

"you're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home"

Danger! High voltage: German customs bods burn half-tonne of weed in power station

ukgnome

Re: "Kraut" ? really ? in the 21st century ? after 70 years ?

I agree and disagree....

The europeans have always had a way of describing each other using a food based item that is native to that country. We tend to only use if for France and Germany, and maybe a little bit towards Scotland, Wales and Ireland. It doesn't make it right but its not like they don't do it back to ourselves in England.

UK.gov pushes ahead with legal right to 10Mbps

ukgnome

@ Oddlegs

You don't seem to understand how the rail network is strung together. The rail network has nothing to do with passengers and everything to do with freight.

SCOLD WAR: Kaspersky drags Uncle Sam into court to battle AV ban

ukgnome

it's its not it's

ugh - can I downvote myself for spelling!

ukgnome
Gimp

As soon as Apple pay it's taxes and moves production to the US there will be no need for any AV

*you know i'm joking right?

Irony's lost on old Pope Francis: Pontiff decrees fake news a 'serious sin'

ukgnome

Dear Alanis Morrisette - this is what irony looks like.

Russia could chop vital undersea web cables, warns Brit military chief

ukgnome
Coat

Flying Submarines? I don't think so!

I thought it was all in the clouds these days.

Argy-bargy Argies barge into Starbucks Wi-Fi with alt-coin discharges

ukgnome

Re: Mining is purely a process?

You have just reminded me of the game we used to play back in the day when I was an operator.

Have PWRDWNSYS typed and ready to go and leave it. Then have a game of overtime cricket. Using a printer ribbon cartridge as a bat you would bat until a stray ball hit the return key. Hilarity ensues

At Christmas, do you give peas a chance? Go cold turkey? What is the perfect festive feast?

ukgnome

Re: Bring me a cheese from every town!

Well since you're offering :-)

ukgnome

Bring me a cheese from every town!

My household is vegetarian so we basically roast one sprout.

Then we throw it away because sprouts

Then we cook up a buffet and eat throughout the day all kinds of tapas snacks.

However the one thing that I think we can all agree on is Christmas isn't Christmas without the largest amount of cheese ever!

Trump to NASA: Fly me (or some other guys) to the Moon

ukgnome

Re: The world never has been better ...

Are you off your meds?

ISIS isn't defeated as long as they are inspiring New York bombers.

Economy rising isn't anything that Trump has done, although it would be a great band name.

Stock Exchange - yeah, I don't think this is Trump either. citation needed

Manufacturing jobs - Are you sure? They haven't managed a great output yet.

Oil pricing in the USA has always been cheap

North Korea - Well America has to have a bad guy right? After all it's just like the movies.

TL:DR - I enjoyed your parody

Archive of 1.4 billion credentials in clear text found in dark web archive

ukgnome

my password is pa55word - those buggers will never guess that.

Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

ukgnome

presumably distracted by a lady on horseback?

Someone tell Thorpe Lane in Suffolk their internet sucks – they're still loading the page

ukgnome

Re: Swings and roundabouts

public transport?

YouTuber cements head inside microwave oven

ukgnome

Ahhh that old prank that we ALL did when we were young.

said no one ever

Meet the woman with a supernatural affinity for stiff lovers

ukgnome

The only issue I have with ghosts - Well I say only.

Why are ghosts usually "seen" wearing clothing? It's not like your clothes die when you do.

Nokia 8: As pure as the driven Android - it's a classy return

ukgnome
Gimp

it is this sort of development that might tempt me away from Apple and back into the Android sphere

Google to crack down on apps that snoop

ukgnome

Hmmm

Does this mean that Google have all the info they need now?

WW2 Enigma machine to be seized from shamed pharma bro Shkreli

ukgnome
Coat

Re: The first and last...

Not true, I am workshopping a joke...

Hitler and the Wu-Tang Clan walk into a bar - Picasso gives them a sideways glance.

Brit MP Dorries: I gave my staff the, um, green light to use my login

ukgnome

Others have said it before - it's thumbnails bot actual photo's on Greens laptop

So many reasons on how this happened.

As for Doris - I, like so many others have reminded her on twatter what privacy is. I really don't think she gets it. Fair enough some might say, it's not like she has anything official or secret. THAT'S NOT THE POINT

it really boils my piss that an elected MP cares so little about privacy

Microsoft to rebuild Redmond campus, including cricket pitch

ukgnome

A Cricket pitch you say

How very civilised

We go live to the Uber-Waymo court battle... You are not going to believe this. The judge certainly doesn't

ukgnome

So I have this idea to pitch to Netflix

OK - so I have this idea for a situation comedy.....it's about a private hire taxi firm....

Uber says 2.7 MEEELLION(ish) UK users affected by hack

ukgnome
Coat

is it a big number of users really?

Uber

Vanity, thy name is: M1SCO company car reg plates for sale

ukgnome
Pint

Re: Depressing place to work?

Have a beer - the mention of Klaus instantly rings a bell in my mind and brings back smiles.

Apple embraces El Reg! iOS 11 is now biting the hand that types IT

ukgnome

Tried it on an iPhone8 that's fully patched - and it doesn't I.T.

is this one of those 4chan bits of BS?

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

ukgnome

I wonder if they will be using the data from all the Sam Knows white boxes?

And is this an end to traffic management?

SSE will now be rated as a 1Mbs service

Borat creator offers to cover mankini fines. Is nice!

ukgnome

I don't know what is worse - the idiot tourists or Sacha?

Uber: Hackers stole 57m passengers, drivers' info. We also bribed the thieves $100k to STFU

ukgnome

How are these idiots still a thing.

worst company ever!

The Reg parts ways with imagineer and thought pathfinder Steve Bong

ukgnome

Goodbye Comrade Bong - if that is your real name.

Donald Trump's tweets: Are they presidential statements or not?

ukgnome

Twitter should stick to the T&C and ban the orange twerp.

"frequently comprise taunts and insults covering everyone from sports stars to world leaders."

Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

ukgnome

Re: Grammar!

And yet you still understood the sentence the way it was constructed.

I bet you're fun at parties.

ukgnome

Re: Howay in a manger

I am a vegetarian and even I know this to be true!

World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

ukgnome

I remember fondly my op.

Told by the Dr that I had to have a big breakfast, 2 if I can manage it.

Upon inspection told that I had carried out an excellent de-fuzz. Then had three separate nurse also inspect the fine job that I had carried out.

The operation itself was a breeze.

The most awkward part was the small talk. (pun intended)

UK Home Sec thinks a Minority Report-style AI will prevent people posting bad things

ukgnome

Eeek

Time to moderate my comments

___ ______ _ _____ _ smiley

Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

ukgnome

no helpline required

Sending thoughts and prayers

Pixel-style display woes on your shiny new X? Perfectly normal, says Apple

ukgnome
Trollface

Rose Tinted?

How long until the iGlasses are released to help correct the display?

Guy Glitchy: Villagers torch Openreach effigy

ukgnome

Re: I regularly communicate with openreach

I have no idea why the decided to answer my email - I just filled out an online form and then all of a sudden they started replying. I think they confused me for someone else maybe - UKgnome is a popular name in these parts.

Installing a new cab - disruption blah blah as all other providers have to agree - that is quite a weird response as it is a BT only exchange.

ukgnome

I regularly communicate with openreach

The last email I received is this when I asked why the delay.

Hello UKgnome

Very sorry for the long delay in responding to your enquiry.

Unfortunately I do not have encouraging news that brings an end to your frustration. The issue that has occurred is you are connected directly to the exchange, we cannot deliver superfast broadband by this method. So a cabinet has to be placed over your cable, so the copper and fibre services can be combined. For this to happen, among other things, all providers have to agree a timeframe for a short interruption of services.

I can only suggest you continue to keep an eye on the website and soon you will see it change from 'in scope' to 'accepting orders'

Regards

Ian Openreach

Donald, YOU'RE FIRED: Rogue Twitter worker quits, deletes President Trump's account

ukgnome

Twitter should stick to the T&C and ban the orange twerp.

Twitter is an unusual place. They will ban you for small idiotic things. But if you are the President Cheetos then you can call people pathetic, sad, weird, crooked. You can incite war and generally do anything you damn well please. Twitter should stick to the T&C and ban the orange twerp.

Simon's Cat app rapped for random 'racy' advert

ukgnome

Wish.com

the fine purveyor of things you never knew you needed.

One-third of mobile users receive patchy to no indoor coverage

ukgnome

https://checker.ofcom.org.uk/mobile-coverage

ofcoms checker is full of lies

Hells door-bells! Ring pieces paralyzed in horror during Halloween trick-or-treat rush

ukgnome

I had to read this article several times, google the stupid bloody doorbell.

Why does a doorbell have to be internet enabled. What kind of tomfuckery is that.

NASA reveals Curiosity 2020's 23-camera payload

ukgnome
Trollface

I thought the military team living on mars could just bolt on a new camera to the old rover.

First iPhone X fondlers struggle to admit that Face ID sort of sucks

ukgnome

Currently I am a bearded fool. If I give in to all the razor adverts and shave, would I need to remind the X who I am?

Personally I don't think you should experiment with tech on a live audience.