Posts by ukgnome

Well done Brexit!

Now I can't afford a french fancy because of immigration or summink!

What a horrible looking thing

This could never happen in the UK - the queues make you forget what you were in for.

Looks like it will soon be time to ditch the apple.

Takes the piss doesn't it

Because the Russians would totally submit the files themselves right?

AKA The Brittany

Oops I did it again

There is a crime here folks

The Cobbler is beyond terrible, although I hear that Richard Herring has a soft spot for it.

Adam Sandler shouldn't just be arrested - he should be sent to the gulags.

let's cluster these all together and create a terrifying all seeing computational menace.

That's it! I am never eating another £5 note!

Yawn

So microsoft have basically re-packed parts of skype for business then.

Oh for fucks sake!

We really are not very good at this are we, I don't care who said what and how we voted. Just hit the trigger and sort it out.

I find the jobs full of blue sky typing are the best

Too many commentards.....

Are actually being nice about this chap - seriously is idiot the only word?

This brainless douche canoe is a fucking bellend of the highest magnitude - a pillock of the community and a total ball bag.

I never thought I would say this :-

I feel sorry for the Genius Bar chap that has to carry out the repair

Time to go and pay no tax somewhere else?

How long before we can turn this bot into a nazi sex pest?

Oh for fucks sake

Lester was a true legend, his articles always and I mean ALWAYS made me smile.

He will be sorely missed.

I am gonna quaff and ale and have a post-pub nosh in his honour.

2016 is the shittest year ever!

But did BT mend the fault?

We need 20's and 50's in this non-stick form.

To really get your monies worth from Charles

Slack is fast becoming a player - just hope they don't try to monitise it

Testing over California

Seems a bit LAX

And meanwhile......

Does this apple taste sweeter to you?

Smart Meters?

What you actually need is a Yorkshireman.

Too 'ot - open t bloody window

Too cowld - put wood int 'ole and put jumper lad

Too expensive - turn off t bloody light

A beer pipeline isn't new - Bass Taverns (as they were way back when) had one.But not on this scale.

Who hasn't used this method to help the helpdesk with their stats in return for chocolate ;-)

I know of a chap that is employed by the local council as a CRT repair tech. He has been there for years and is on a very good contract. Although they don't have any CRT at the council, but he is far too expensive to be made redundant.

How IT are you?

D, keep them on the phone as long as humanly possible and involve as much tedious small talk as you can muster. In between the tedium try and get as may Monty Python quotes in without being obvious. Gauge their own assumed knowledge with near incomprehensible babble about flooded packet gateways, network degradation based on 443htz bleed-through from the local communications tower. Things like this will heavily dissuade idiots from calling you again.

Sometimes it's worth a small effort.

Let Us Pray

Our saucer which art in a colander, draining be Your noodles.

Thy noodle come, Thy meatballness be done on earth, as it is meaty in heaven.

Give us this day our daily sauce,

and forgive us our lack of piracy, as we pirate and smuggle against those who lack piracy with us.

And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us from non-red meat sauce.

For thine is the colander, the noodle, and the sauce,

forever and ever.

R'Amen.

So are you saying....

Maybe we are now able to admit that the reason we have nuclear power stations is in fact just to make bombs. We never achieved cheap and reliable electricity production did we. The whole global mess is basically because America wanted to show Japan it's penis and declare it bigger than theirs.

Anyone who agues back saying - No UKgnome, America had to show it's big penis because Germany was working on a big penis of it's own has never read any history books of any kind.

*apologies for penis analogies but I have been listening to a lot of Richard Herring

tailgate - oh the joys

When I worked for EDS I once prevented someone from tailgating. They were very persuasive in their argument as to why they should be allowed through the back door. I explained that as they din't have their pass I couldn't verify that they should be in the building. I was extremely polite to the point of sickly as I explained that they should visit reception and have them allow them entry to the building. I thought nothing of this until I was asked to report to the UK managers office.

Yep, I had prevented the manager from entering her own building. This had made her late for the EMEA meeting as the big directors had visited. They were delighted that I had stopped her, and weirdly I ended up with a gold day for my ruthless door barring.

In the little shop after the museum can you buy Scratch and Sniff postcards?

Oh my - I am so surprised that the over privileged few have taken steps to hide their money affairs and have cheated taxation systems in their native countries. Surely they are all above board types that are beyond reproach?

This is why the robots will rebel

Shirley

beating OFF Elon Musk, George Lucas, Larry Page, Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer

much funnier

Part of the charm of living in the Norfolk Broads is the lack of mobile phone coverage. If they can hide the masts so they don't blot the landscape then yeah maybe...

Didn't any one ask him what he thought about Donald J Fart and his plan to get Bill to close of the internets?