Posts by Beavercheese

"woz you lookin at my girlfriend?"

Funny, I always thought that the only reason that our particular species of human was able to rise to the pecking order as it did or currently “dominate” other species was in the fact that we had evolved enough mental capacity to understand that a stick could be used as a viable weapon, fire making or hunter gatherer tool and not just for scratching your own arse or amusingly flinging your flaming faecal matter at the cave wall.

I am sure that before this (and still during) we probably did go around punching or slapping the shit out of each other.

Anyone - no matter their perceived level of civilisation will resort to violence if pushed far enough or if the need arises to protect or dominate and this has always been a natural state.

Even individuals or children not exposed to violence (“innocents”) will naturally clench their fists in anger - although also a sign of manipulation.

Clearly we have physiologically evolved our hands from knuckle dragging (in most places!) to tool wielding, but just like every dog is a wolf, every human is a potentially violent psychopathic ape waiting to knock ten shades of shit out of each other if pushed enough or the obligatory 10 pints, curry n fight Friday night debacle.

And yes I too have suffered from “boxers/brawlers” injury and yes I too have been trained in various martial arts.

Now, if only our fists were as hard as Chuck Norris’s chin….

Harumph

I was out shooting some game and after returning to the Manor noted that Jenkins had laid out a copy of the Daily Mail with my elevenses, as was proper.

Imagine my shock and alarm when opening the pages to find a picture of a rampantly naked and non-Caucasian filly actively flaunting herself - clearly a migrant! But underneath was a statement from our glorious leader regarding the management of information by the Government!

This country went through several wars to ensure that I could have unrestricted access and movement as a private citizen and as a tax payer of this country it is firmly within my rights to ensure that I have access to the world internet web on a nightly basis.

How else am I to acquire the tremendous amounts of pictures and videos necessary to deduce the wrongness of scantily clad gels without first looking at them in private and at length?

Next they will be telling me that I shouldn’t be beating the children - or mine, pah !

Now where’s Mrs Miggins, I decidedly remember telling her to cover the table legs - harumph harumph

etc etc

Raunch Mars Lover !

Stereotypes aside - I for one hope that they are successful.

The Americans/Russians were only able to really achieve what they did at that time through mostly purloined tech courtesy of nabbed knowledge and personnel at the end of WWII courtesy of research done through not overly ethical but sometimes brilliant invention.

(*Disclaimer - No this isn’t a political comment on the Holocaust/Nazis etc etc)

The palpable fear during the Cold War period drove both competing countries/states/nations to new heights of achievement and the perceived gains in technology, human endeavour, national pride or tactical advantage were the main driving points.

Roll on 50 years.

America has turned into a giant CEO. Its main concerns are making money and telling everyone else what to do. No national feats or achievements.

Invention through necessity has been replaced by invention as the reason to accumulate wealth and keep hold of it.

It dropped the ball on Space exploration and pulled too much funding as it wasn’t deemed “profitable”.

Health and Safety became an industry and solid door. Bureaucracy and middle/side/top heavy/over management is the norm.

Space exploration is now in the hands of private individuals.

Russia has finally turned into what America was 20 years ago, but is catching up very quickly.

China, through its own dubious nature has (mainly) always put the nation first.

It has the manpower and is more bothered about getting it done (sometimes regardless) than getting it patented and sold.

Space exploration is still in the hands of the state

Health or safety is something that is only perhaps guaranteed if you do the work or do it well.

(**Disclaimer - No this isn’t a political comment on the Communist Regime etc etc)

Therefore I believe that it literally and figuratively, Mars will be the “Little Red Planet” unless you decadent Western peeps start looking outwards more.

Let a hundred flowers bloom in Mars habitation modules from the progression of science…

Volume Control ?

We don't need no steenkin volume control

Just preset it to 11 and be done !

Hot Damn !

Yes this !

After watching the instructional video with attractive assistant I can just imagine...

Being in it all day

Smiling away

Squirting water rockets

Happily shooting away

And the mech ain't bad either!

Now all I need is the ability to stick a tail on it, paint it green, pilot it via the internets and play rampage in downtown Tokyo !

Aaiyee - Run fo ror lifes - it Godrirra ! (again)

But seriously...awesome.

Change the weapons to be rubber balls and water cannons and its a shock n awe Police riot control vehicle

Transformers 5 - Dekatron Reborn

Micheal Bay directs another fast and hardhitting action sequel*

After the destruction of the planet Franchiseatron by the Deathapple(tm) during the Corporate Patent Wars, a lone escape pod crash lands into the far side of Mars (now sponsored by Yagooglehoosambucks) activating machines far older than time below the ** unexplored surface.

Rising from the dust were Machines which cried out for revenge over the fall of something something....

*contents may be less fast or hardhitting than advertised

**current explorations still pending

I for one bow down to our new Overlord - may his reign last for another 64 years

bom bom be bom

Revvin' up your Servers

Listen to her howlin' fans

Storage under tension

Beggin' you to upload and go

Highway to the Data Zone

Ride into the Data Zone

Flipperski 1 "Dolphin suicide squad - ATTACKski !"

Flipperski 2 "Sir, I'm confused, they're carrying tins of dolphin friendly tuna"

Flipperski 1 "Attack anyway for the glory of the DSSR !"

Flipperski 3 "Sir, I think we're in the wrong pool - this one's full of disabled kids!"

Flipperski 1 "DOHski"

*Penguin - as certainly something fishy about this story

Half-Life 2 re-release coming soon....

Scanner (Type 1)

Combine Surveillance Robot

The basic scanner is an annoyance at best, following you around and occasionally blinding you with its camera flash. Take them out as convenient, but be careful to finish the job once you start; they ram and explode if they take enough damage.

Scanner (Type 2)

Combine Surveillance Robot

The next step up from the basic scanner can be seen dropping hopper mines into battle or using their light machine guns in addition to their typical follow and annoy role.

Manhack

Combine Eradication Robot

"Flying Blades of Doom" is an apt name for these. Manhacks are small robots that hover around with spinning blades, attacking any non-Combine they find. They are little more than a distraction on their own, going down relatively easily with a crowbar or pistol, but can be dangerous in groups.

Now where did I put my crowbar...